Happy belated July 4th!
So, here we are. Last week marked the halfway point of 2011 and what felt like the official start of summer with the long July 4th weekend.
I don’t know about you, but I found myself in a bit of a funk over the holiday weekend this year.
For whatever reason, my weekend had no “mojo”! And as I took time to sit with my funkiness and reflect on why I was feeling this way, I was once again reminded of the long lasting effect that divorce on our lives.
I spent last Friday in the car driving my youngest son to a lacrosse tournament in Long Island where at the end of the tournament Saturday, my Ex took my son and returned home where he would have my kids for the balance of the weekend.
I tried to stay an extra night in the hopes that I could have a lovely holiday beach day on Sunday, but Mother Nature prevailed and I headed home only to find myself cleaning the house and doing the mundane tasks of laundry, grocery shopping, and errands….mostly feeling sorry for myself that I didn’t have anything “fun” to do!
I am fortunate to be in a relationship with a wonderful man but this was a funk that he didn’t create, nor was capable of or responsible for getting me out of. As he went about doing some of the things he loves (fishing, gardening…), I found myself feeling extremely sad.
Have you ever felt this way?
By Sunday night I had spent some time writing and was beginning to realize exactly what was going on. July 4th, Independence Day, symbolizes not only a weekend of family get-togethers and BBQ’s, but for me, an emphasis on freedom, independence and my right to live the life I imagine and deserve.
This year, with my children as teenagers and only having them half a week, I have been feeling not only their growing independence, but the resulting decrease in time that I see them, coupled with the recognition that the “right” to create my extraordinary life is sometimes daunting and frightening.
Divorce creates a tremendous amount of freedom, but that freedom can feel overwhelming and frightening.
An entire weekend to create fun and fabulous experiences and celebrations, and I had not planned one thing!!! Well, shame on me!
After my divorce, many of my friendships changed. Families I once shared holidays with no longer extended invitations to family and holiday get togethers. My changing social life has required that I open myself up to new friendships and become the iniater of gatherings and celebrations.
When my children are with me, I am more inspired to create holiday and social plans. Without them over the July 4th weekend, I suddenly found myself without them or social plans, and I have to admit, I was feeling a bit lonely. In fact, I was in a absolute FUNK!
Since my divorce, every so often something will trigger that sad, empty and lonely feeling that inevitably causes me to fall into a funk. I immediately know when I have fallen into the FUNK, however happily, I have learned how and know exactly what to do to get myself right out of it!
So, I immediately took action! I woke up on Monday morning, took a long and wonderful run outside, called a friend so that we could get together and enjoy the sunny day, and then she and I went out for a delicious bloody mary and steamers!
It is all about knowing what to do when we find ourselves in a funk …a funk that can cause us to remain stuck where we are…even paralyzing us from taking action.
Creating “what comes next” is not always easy, but it is ALWAYS in our control!
If you are finding yourself stuck in the sadness and fear, you are not alone. However, you don’t have to remain there…there are great tools and strategies for pulling yourself right out of it!
If you have been feeling stuck in a funk, I hope you will consider my Summer Coaching Special so that you too can create the life you desire!!!