The D Spot

Do you remember playing Truth or Dare when you were a teenager?  What did you prefer, telling a truth or accepting the challenge of a dare?

To be completely honest, I was afraid of both, which is probably why I avoided this game at all costs growing up.  And all through my marriage I found myself still avoiding both of these options.

But divorce changed all that; it tends to do that.  Moving through and forward after divorce is the fastest way to conquer your fear of speaking your truth and daring to do what you have never done before.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about all the ways that we allow fear to hold us back from what we want and are meant to do.  And I have decided that I will no longer allow it to prevent me from experiencing what I want in my life.

Last weekend I did something that I have wanted to do for a long time but have always made excuses as to why I couldn’t do it.  I participated in my first Warrior Dash.  The Warrior Dash is an obstacle run.  It is a 5K run with about 10 obstacle challenges along the course.

While I take care of myself and am pretty fit, the thought of the Warrior Dash was a little intimidating for me.  And yet, at the same time, it has always looked like something really fun to do.  So in the spring, I posted a call to action on my facebook page to see if anyone would like to do it with me. To be honest, I got a lot of people telling me how fun it looked; but I did not get many who wanted to commit to doing it with me.  Despite the lack of commitment by others, I wasn’t going to give up.

Eventually, a lovely woman who I went to high school with jumped in and said she would love to join; we hadn’t really connected in almost 20 years and I was delighted to seize this opportunity!  Then, a friend and colleagues said she would love to join as well.  By the end of the summer we had six women on our team, three that I had never met before.  We decided to name our team, Dash Divas.

So last weekend, I found myself standing at the Starting Line of my first Warrior Dash with my six Dash Divas, all of us doing something scary for the first time.  And it was a blast!

We were nervous, and excited, and committed to finishing together…leaving no woman behind!  Here we are crossing the finish line!!

I was so proud of myself, so proud of us.  Daring to do something we have all wanted to do;  challenging ourselves to fight through our nerves and our fear!

Life during and after divorce is full of opportunities to dare ourselves to live the life we imagine, and deserve; if we choose to see those opportunities and take advantage of them.

It can be comfortable to stay where we are, even if it is not where we really want to be.  Moving forward is uncomfortable and frightening, but everything you want is on the other side of fear.  And the only way to get there is to step out of your comfort zone.

So, I dare you.

 I dare you to do something you have always wanted to do.

I dare you to look for opportunities that scare you, and to face your fear and do it anyway.

I dare you to be uncomfortable, knowing that what you really want is on the other side of it.

I dare you to speak your truth.

I dare you to push yourself harder than anyone else will.

I dare you to be vulnerable and scared, we all are.

I dare you to take risks, because you will grow from them.

I dare you to let go of what was, because your future is waiting for you.

I dare you to open yourself up to new friends, new experiences and new love.

I dare you to ask for the support you deserve.

I dare you to express your desires out loud.

I dare you do just one thing every day that moves you towards the life you imagine.

I dare you to be YOU…because you are magnificent; you are brilliant, bold and courageous beyond measure.

Together, just like me and my Dash Divas, we will boldly move forward, leaving no woman behind.

You are not alone.  We are in this together!

I love the Olympics. To see the world come together for fair and honest competition based on performance alone is something that I find extremely impressive, empowering and exciting.

For the past week, I have had my TV on and set to the Olympic coverage as background for everything that I am doing.  I have seen competition in sports that I had never seen before and heard countless stories of young and “older” (I am a bit sensitive to the label of “old” given my own age!) athletes as they prepared for their participation in London and going for the Gold!

All of the stories were inspiring and highlighted the complete and all-consuming vision and training of athletes; many despite challenges, obstacles and adversity.

Regardless of who wins the gold, silver and bronze, each athlete has prepared with complete dedication, commitment and focus for their chance to compete and the possibility of success that the Olympics represents.

I can’t help but feel like the Olympics is just a metaphor for life; my life…your life.

While only a few will be medalists in London, ALL of the competitors are now Olympic Athletes…an honor in itself.

Your future IS your Olympics; an environment that offers unlimited, timeless opportunity and possibility.  Like the Olympics, “competing” in this environment, our future, requires focus, discipline, commitment and a relentless pursuit for “winning the Gold”!  However, unlike the Olympics, there are unlimited medals to go around!  How fabulous is that!

Even better we can ALL win Gold because each of us has a different definition of what “Gold” is.  It is defined as whatever you want it to be; whatever your desires and dreams are! How far you go is only limited by YOU… and the standard that you set.  A standard that defines what you want.  Lucky for us, every day is an opportunity to “train” to win it!

If creating and sustaining and extraordinary love in your life is your Gold, make today the day that you state loudly and clearly to the world that you will do any and everything that it takes to get it…and you WILL!  And by the way, we can “compete” in multiple events; love, prosperity, health and fitness, parenting…

Today’s younger athletes will use the performance of the London Olympians to set their goals for the 2016 Olympics and they begin training NOW.

You and I are no different, except that we are not limited by the performance of others; we can have everything that we want, if we do the hard work of preparing for it.

So, don’t wait another minute…set your vision and go for the Gold!

Many of you know that over the past few years I have become a passionate football fan.

There is something I love about the masculinity of it, the strategy of it, the strength of it and the excitement of it. Over time I have learned about each team, each quarterback and the strengths and weaknesses of each team. While I don’t have a favorite team, I do have a few that I like more than others and for lots of reasons.

Like many Americans, I have also been intrigued by the young rising star, Tim Tebow, who some are calling “the Chosen One”.

Not knowing much about him, I had the opportunity last week to watch a documentary about him. I was folding laundry (as I usually do on Sundays) and while flipping around the channels, I came across this special just as it was starting.

While it was only an hour, seeing his journey gave me a growing sense of appreciation for this young man and athlete, and I was taken by his courage, tenacity and commitment to his Big Vision; all mirroring my work with women moving through and forward after divorce.

Here are a few tips that I learned from Tim Tebow about creating what comes next:

1.     Set your vision and don’t take your eye off of it.

It is clear from the film that Tim had a vision of being a star football player from a very young age. As he moved farther along his career and eventually through college, he had received almost as many awards, recognitions and accolades as are possible. However, in his quest to be drafted to the NFL, he also realized that none of that mattered. Those achievements were not what would necessarily earn him a place on a major league team.

I thought a lot about this because there are parallels in this to what we experience through and after divorce. I does not necessarily matter what we had, how amazing a spouse we were or what acknowledgement we do or do not get now; what matters is to stay focused on the vision of what our ideal and extraordinary life will be. I was struck by Tim Tebow’s ability at a young age to accept his accomplishments as just that, bu t remain focused on his goals and all that it would take to achieve them. A wonderful lesson for all of us.

2.     Create your “Dream Team”, but even with them, what happens next is up to you.

Through the film you are introduced to all of the experts, professionals and coaches that Tim uses in his preparation for reaching his goal. You are also introduced to his family, especially his father and brother, who support him along every step of his journey. He makes it clear that creating this incredible team of and circle of support is essential for him to gain the information, skills and guidance that he needs to move towards his vision.

However, he also shares that while the team is outstanding; they are not responsible for getting it done. They are not responsible for achieving his goal, and in fact; he alone is.

I found this to be completely in alignment with my philosophy both personally and professionally. I believe that creating a team of experts and circle of support is essential for moving through a nd forward after divorce. But I also believe that no matter how much support we are all receiving, we will not create the lives we are meant to live unless we step fully into owning responsibility for it. If we want something, it is not only up to each of us to get the support we need, but to take responsibility for doing whatever it takes to get it!

3.     There is no shortcut; getting what you want takes tremendous strength, commitment and discipline.

Finally, Tim Tebow shows us through this film, that there is no easy way to get what we want. No money in the world, no amount of popularity and no accolades will guarantee that we will get it. The only way to create what we want and to reach our goals is to do the incredible hard work that is necessary to prepare us to get there.

He dedicated every hour of every day to doing whatever it takes. Training and then training more. Studying, researching, learning…from sun-up to sun-down, Tim put 100% of his time, energy, and attention into his vision. It didn’t matter that the public, the media and football experts around the world doubted his ability and challenged his capabilities. It didn’t matter that friends and fellow athletes were living lives much different to his. It didn’t matter that it wa s grueling work and consumed his life. In the end, he was drafted; and it was not because he was good looking or performed in college. It was because his complete dedication, discipline and mindset were focused on what he wanted.

I was humbled by his work ethic, his commitment and his ability to fight through his own and other people’s limiting beliefs and thoughts to manifest what he wanted. I had not known just how hard he worked for it and I gained a sense of appreciation for him as well as seeing the power of possibility.

When facing the uncertainty of creating a new life after divorce, it is exactly these strategies and attributes that will allow us to be open to the possibility of our potential; and step into the confidence that we can create all that we want.

I am grateful to have stumbled onto this film, it was wonderful! If you have the chance to see this great documentary, I hope you will take the opportunity to watch it!

As we prepare to enter 2012, I wanted to share a few of my thoughts with you.  You are such an incredible part of my life; I want you to know just how much I appreciate you!

Before I do, I would like to ask you to do something for me.  Take a few moments over the next day or so to find a quiet place, close your eyes and think back to this time last year.  What was going on in your life?  What challenges have you overcome this past year?  What accomplishments have you made?  Reflect on all the joyful moments that you experienced!

Now, take out a piece of paper and make a list of all that happened over the past year to bring you to today.

If your experience is anything like mine, you will be amazed at just how much has happened and how far you have come!

I have never been a fan of resolutions.  I find them to be unrealistic, unachievable and often lacking in intention and motivation.  My business background has made me more comfortable with visioning, setting goals and creating a plan for achieving them.  What I never realized before my own divorce, was how critical this planning process is to our personal lives, not just our professional lives.  So, as you enter the New Year this weekend, hopefully you will indulge yourself in beginning this process for your life!

Wherever you are in your journey, you are exactly where you are supposed to be.  And, you have all that you need already within you.  Isn’t that a relief!!!

My hope for you is that this is the year that you acknowledge what is holding you back from your magnificent destiny, and commit to making the changes in your life that will set you free.  You know what I am talking about.  The self-sabotaging behaviors and choices that keep you where you are instead of empowering you to be the woman you are meant to be.

This inner work is not easy, and it can be painful and extremely uncomfortable.  But through this pain and discomfort will come exquisite freedom and unimaginable joy!

You are magnificent!

You are beautiful!

You are stronger than you can possibly imagine!

You are courageous!

You are capable of doing anything you want!

You are not your divorce story.  You are whatever you choose to be.  You can rewrite your story any way that you want.  It is time for you to change it up! Get crazy! Imagine that the impossible is absolutely possible…because it is!  The only thing holding you back…is you.

This is the perfect time for you to step powerfully into being the extraordinary woman that you are!  To reconnect with your purpose, your soul, your truth and your unique talents and gifts!

In 2012, you are free to do, be and create anything you can imagine!

It is all there, waiting for you.  2012 is YOUR year to reclaim a life of abundance, passion, prosperity, wellness, joy, peace and magic!

It continues to be a privilege and pleasure to not only know you, but to serve and support you!  I hope that this year we will enjoy a greater connection and friendship…I am always here for you.  You are never alone!

You can find all of my new events and workshops for 2012 here!

Hurricane Irene seriously took its toll on my property.  I love where I live because I am set in the middle of the woods where there is plenty of quiet and I can get my fill of nature.  However, when Irene came whipping through, she significantly damaged my calm and peaceful property causing many of the small trees to come down and the limbs from the larger trees to rip off.

For the past two months I have been working feverishly to clear out the woods of dead branches and trees.  There are piles of logs, large tree limbs, twigs, tangled vines, and brush all over. It is a mess.

It is such a mess that I haven’t known exactly how to handle it, and in fact, have been completely overwhelmed by the magnitude of it.  But now, after spending hours and hours cleaning it out section by section, I am realizing that this process is not unlike the journey through and after my divorce.

When Irene came through, I had no idea of just how significantly my property had been affected and how long the clean up would take. My divorce, like Irene, also came tearing through my life leaving chaos and a major mess behind it.

I take tremendous pride in keeping my environment clean, tidy and pretty to look at.   It makes me feel comfortable and secure when it is nicely taken care of.  You can only imagine what living with dead trees and piles of sticks and wood all over the place has been like for me!  Especially because no matter what I do, it will never look like it did before.  The good news is that the storm was the catalyst for some long overdue property and garden maintenance that I had been putting off.

Thankfully, the lessons learned through my divorce, and now reinforced by the power of Ms. Irene, have actually enabled me to manage this cleanup in a completely different way.

Here is what you need to know about hurricanes, and divorce:

• It is going to be messy for a while.

There is no way around it.  When something as strong as a hurricane, or divorce, comes into your life, things are going to be complicated and messy even under the best of circumstances.  Looking outside my window and seeing piles of wood, dead trees, and debris everywhere is unsettling and uncomfortable for me.  My divorce was no different.  The amount of change I experienced felt just the same way…uncomfortable, unwelcome and overwhelming.  I have had to learn to get used to it because clean up takes time.  Things are not going to go back to the way they were, they will be different going forward.  My property will never look the same, but I know in time, it will look even better than before.

• It is more and harder work than you can imagine.

Cleaning up after a Hurricane is hard.  I mean really hard.  As a matter of fact, on the days that I have spent my time pulling out branches, cutting them up and carrying them to their proper pile, I don’t even have to think about getting in a workout.  It is a workout.  And it is taking a lot longer than I expected.  But, every day I see the results of my efforts.  Removing so many trees and branches is changing the look of the property.  It is getting cleaner and neater and I have already started to think about the new trees, plants and flowers that I want to add next spring.  The same holds true for divorce.  It takes time, energy and a commitment to working hard to “clean up” during and after the transition.  It is messy for quite a while.  Moving forward and reinventing your new, awesome life is going to take a lot of work.  However, the more work you put into it, the greater the results you are going to see.

• You must have a vision and plan to accomplish it.

 I can’t yet imagine what my property will look like. But here is what I know. With so many trees and branches removed, there is far more sun shining down on the house and the lawn than before.   With this increase in sunlight, I know that the grass will be greener and healthier than it has been and the plants that are already there are going to be fuller than ever.  As well, the floor of the woods should now be able to grow a rich, vibrant ground cover because there is so much more light coming through.  I know that this will not happen over the next year.  In fact, this transformation will happen slowly over time.  I will see it evolve each month and season but my full vision won’t manifest without time, and patience.  I’m sure that you can see how divorce is exactly the same.  When I got divorced, I also lost other relationships.  Again, it was messy…so much changed.   It didn’t feel “pretty” for a while, and it took a lot of work to manage the transition. Through it all I had a vision….a plan for what I wanted my life to look like.  At first I didn’t have the answers to “how” I was going to create my ideal life.  But what I did know was that I had to start someplace and I had to take action.  Step by step I moved towards my vision.

• The chaos and “mess” will evolve into something even more beautiful than before.

I have a clear vision of what my property is going to look like over the next few years, even though I can’t stand to look at it right now.  That vision includes beautiful healthy trees and a lush surrounding of woods.  It includes a lawn and landscaping that gets more air, sun and space than ever before, allowing them to prosper and mature into spectacular gardens.  I see it vividly even knowing that it will take time for that vision to occur.  The same has held true for my life after divorce.  Each month, and year, my new life has emerged and evolved.  I have gained new friendships and relationships, even richer and fuller than before.  I have enjoyed new experiences that have allowed me to grow, evolve and mature into the woman that I am meant to be.  There has been more light, love and joy than I could have possibly imagined.  But I couldn’t have seen it then.  I had to have faith and trust.  And so do you.