Recently I have been asked, by more than one media outlet, to speak on the subject of what I believe the single most important piece of advice is that I would give to anyone who is thinking about, going through or moving forward after divorce.
As you might imagine, this is a loaded question and one for which I seem to have trouble answering. There are many words of guidance that I would give anyone who is facing or has experienced the transition of divorce.
As I sit at my desk (as I am doing right now), I am once again reflecting on this question…what IS the most important piece of advice I would give?
You are in this with me so I ask you! What is the one thing you need more than anything else; the one thing that would change your life right now?
Is it money?
Is it a more effective way to communicate?
Is it a job?
Is it new love?
Is it a “life roadmap”?
Is it courage? Is it confidence?
Or perhaps, it is a combination of all of the above?
Like you, I continue to move forward designing my new life after divorce; and to be completely honest, I have had a challenging couple of days. So, today I could use more effective techniques for communicating with my teenage son, a few new strategies for managing a long distance relationship and perhaps a few helpful hints on re-energizing when you have limited time available.
I guess what I really need is information; information from someone who is an expert in these issues. Or in other words, really good support.
I have a lot of friends and family that love me, and who would be happy to share their thoughts and opinions with me. After all, I know that they want me to be happy.
But that is not what I know I need. I need someone who doesn’t just love me (although loving me would be nice!!), but someone who can give me the tools and resources I need and who is skilled at supporting me create a plan for addressing my most pressing issues, the ones that make me feel sad, overwhelmed and anxious. I’m not a person who wants to waste a lot of time, I am ready to take action!
The good news for me is that I surround myself with experts in all different areas of personal development and most importantly, I am not afraid to ask for help, or support.
So, that’s it, the #1 thing that you need, and by the way, deserve! Getting information and really good support is the THE single most important piece of advice that I can give to you and anyone else who wants to create new life after divorce.
It may be that you need money, a job, new love, parenting wisdom….but regardless of what you need, it comes down to asking for and getting support; support from someone who has the skills, the training, the information and the talent to move you forward and create a plan for eliminating the sadness, paralysis and overwhelm that you feel.
And while I recognize that asking for support may feel uncomfortable and maybe even “weak”, it is the strongest, wisest and most loving thing you can do for yourself.
Trust me, I am right here with you. In fact, I must go right now and make a few calls myself!