The D Spot

What is it that keeps us working so hard for the friendships and intimate, love relationship that we so desperately desire?

Over the years I have witnessed hundreds of women who are working harder than ever at friendships and relationships that are depleting them of energy, enthusiasm and inspiration.   And yet, despite recognizing that these relationships are exhausting and exasperating, they continue to try harder to do more, be more and say more.

At some point, the exhaustion, frustration and depletion becomes more than they can bear and something momentous happens, changing the relationship forever.

Perhaps it is an affair.  That becomes the catalyst for the ending of a marriage that was not healthy to begin with.

 Perhaps there a fight of epic proportions for which things are said that can never be taken back.

 Or perhaps there is silence.  A silence so great that the hole that is left creates emotions that will take years to heal.

By the time this happens, the wounds are so deep and so painful; they require extreme care to heal.  And usually, the relationship can’t recover from them.

Divorce is often the result of what is not said and done, rather than what is said and done; although many would argue differently.  And by the time a woman comes to me for support, it is hard to get clarity around what she really wants to say…or, wanted to say; wishes she had said.

The same holds true, by the way, for friendships.  There are often parallels between what happens in divorce and what happens in the demise of a close friendship.

Why is this?

Well, if we aren’t saying what we really want and need to say, our partner/friends can’t hear what we really want and need them to hear.

It is not much more complicated than that.

You see, here is the simple truth.  You don’t have to be, do or say anything special to be loved.  Nope.  You just have to be YOU.

Honest you.

Authentic you.

Compassionate you.

Loving you.

Direct you.

Kind you.

Beautiful you.

 YOU…are enough.

You don’t have to buy sexy clothes. You don’t have to prepare fancy meals.  You don’t have to clean your house top to bottom.  Nor do you have to sacrifice your goals, your dreams, your desires or your interests to express your love and devotion.

You…the raw truth of who you are, is perfectly enough. 

Love is meant to be shared, from the inside out.  It is not meant to be earned, bought or judged.  It is simply meant to be felt and shared.

When you find yourself in a relationship or friendship that is causing you to work hard to do, be or say anything that doesn’t feel authentic to who you are, it is time to come clean.  It is time to say what needs to be said and allow the relationship to grow…or fade.

While this is not an easy thing to do, it is what will lead you to freedom.

Freedom to be the YOU that you are meant to be!

I did it!

As I have already shared with you, the first half of the summer I found myself getting off track and had to refocus, reframe and regroup to get back on track.

For the past two and half weeks, my kid’s have been on a summer vacation with their father.  At first I was a bit emotional about the length of time that they would be away, especially because the three of us had just come off of a few weeks of more than usual conflict and unpleasantness. I never like separating from my kids when we are disconnected and emotionally charged so this was a challenge for me.

However, when I took some time to reflect, I realized that the Universe was granting me the opportunity to relax, reconnect with MYSELF, and process the events of the prior month.

I called each of my children, told them how very much I love them and was sorry that we had experienced such a difficult time, and shared with them that although I would miss them, that the two and a half weeks they would be away would be a great way for us all to regroup and meditate on all that had happened. I made a commitment to them that I would relax and reflect and that when vacation was over, we would sit down and talk about it looking forward not back…and without so much emotion.

So, what did I do you ask?

Well, I did exactly what I told my children (and myself) that I would do. I took these two and a half weeks without them as an opportunity to spend some time on all the areas of my life that need my attention. I took time to regroup, renew and reinvent…basically, to “walk my talk”!

I spent the first week refueling and regrouping. I went to bed early, slept late, caught up with household tasks, read a few books and in all ways simply relaxed!

The second week I devoted myself to catching up with friends, working on my strategic plan for The D Spot (including the awesome fall programs and events I have coming up!), and getting ready for the release of my book, which by the way is happening NOW!

You can now purchase the book directly from my website, http://www.discoverthedspot.com/book.php! The estimated ship date to you is August 20th!!!

I should add that weaved into both weeks, I carved out special time for my wonderful boyfriend and partner so that we could connect emotionally, physically and recreationally. As I move along my own journey after divorce, creating time to share experiences and play together with my intimate partner has become an important priority.

The last few days of these fabulous two and half weeks I spent reflecting on my kids and the relationship that I share with them. Recognizing that they are a little older now, it is apparent that it is time for me to take our relationship to a new, much more transparent level.

As I look back at the turbulence of the early weeks of summer, I realize that there is nothing holding me back from being exactly the mother that want to be and creating exactly the kind of relationship I want with them. Not their father, not lack of time, not lack of resources…only my fear and hesitancy to stand in my truth and set the standard I expect from them. I had fallen prey to my own limiting fears and beliefs, allowing myself to feel like a “victim”.

When we fall into a “victim mentality”, there is very little that will go our way.

It took this time away…time for quiet, reflection and honest communication with myself, to take back my power as a magnificent woman and mother!!

I feel rested, re-energized and re-committed to creating my ideal life as I move towards the last weeks of summer and into the fall.

I hope you join me in taking time over the month of August to reflect, prepare and plan for the fall!

My divorce has taught me more about myself than any other experience or time in my life.  And for that I am grateful.

The years since my divorce (almost 7 of them), have been filled with questions and more questions….self discovery and more self discovery.

Not only did it cause me to work towards understanding what went wrong in my marriage, but on a much deeper and important level, it caused me to work towards understanding why I do what I do…then, and now.

I have asked myself over and over, why did I do it?  Why did I choose to marry someone that I knew deep inside was not the right fit for me?

How could I do it?  How could I not only choose it, but stay in a marriage that was not right for me?  For a long, long time?

Or perhaps you are asking yourself, why did it end?  What did I do wrong?  Why did he leave me?

Have you ever asked yourself these questions?

I am proud to say, that during these almost 7 years, I have truly gained an understanding of why I do what I do….and, I have learned how NOT to be my own worst enemy.

At the same time, in learning about myself, I have also learned WHY all people do what they do, and why.  Understanding what motivates and drives people to do what they do is the single most valuable skill I possess.

No one told me to get married.  No one told me to stay in my marriage.

However, like most of us, I never learned HOW to make difficult choices.  And, I never learned HOW great relationships really work.  Or why.

Nor, did I learn how to move through difficult transitions or to work through situations that are highly emotionally charged.

As a society, we don’t have a curriculum for this in school (although it is my personal opinion that these issues should be taught at a high school and college level), and very few parents make teaching these skills a priority.

We make sure that we give our children all kinds of lessons (dance, music, art…) to enhance their skills and interests and of course, all athletes have a coach to teach, guide and advise them.

But in the one area that can use a guide or coach the most, we have NO training….and that is LIFE.  Yes, we ALL need to be educated, supported, guided and advised on how to lead an exceptional life.

So, what did I learn over these years?  I learned that I, myself, was my own worst enemy.  And that I am not the only one.

I allowed my fears, limiting beliefs and insecurities guide my choices.

I was young….and “uneducated”.  Uneducated in life…and love.

I didn’t know any better.

And, my marriage was not the only time I have made a decision that was driven my “ignorance”.  Rather, I can name countless choices that I have made over the years because I had not yet begun my journey of self discovery.  I was absolutely my own worst enemy.

Now, however, I am not.  And I have my divorce to thank for that.

My divorce was the catalyst for my own personal journey of self discovery, awareness and growth…essentially, it was my education in life.

Can you remember a time that you were your own worst enemy?  What fears, limiting beliefs or lack of knowledge have caused you to make decisions that did not turn out well?

What have you learned as a result of your divorce?

I look forward to sharing stories with you!

I am always looking for products, services and resources that support women who are going through transition and even more specifically through divorce.  Now that I have my fabulous new blog in place, it is so easy to be able to share them all with you!

So, I simply had to share with you the wonderful endeavor of a friend of mine that I think you will LOVE!

Two years ago I was introduced to Rebecca Lown as she was launching the first online magazine for women moving along the journey of divorce!  Imagine how much I loved that!  The magazine is called SPLIT and is a fabulous resource.

SPLIT is a weekly newsletter and blog dedicated to separated and divorced women. While the end of a marriage can be stressful or even downright frightening, SPLIT magazine is here to help you live the best life you possibly can – right here, right now! Whether you’re at the end of a long divorce or just at the beginning, SPLIT believes your best days are still in front of you.

When I asked Rebecca to tell me how SPLIT came to be, this is what she had to say:

Need is indeed the mother of invention. I started SPLIT because I really felt lost about how to put my life back on track after my divorce. I couldn’t find a good magazine or newsletter that spoke my language. So I decided to create one instead.  My hope is that you will read something that might nourish you, inspire you, or change your perspective, even if for a brief moment.  Divorce is unraveling and sometimes the climb upward into the light seems slow… But good things will come if you are open to them  Don’t be surprised if find yourself as a very different person than you thought you were when married to Mr. Ex. And isn’t that an exciting and great discovery!! My ultimate goal is to make SPLIT into a printed magazine!

During her first year of SPLIT Rebecca wanted to do a few small events, so I went to NYC and did a wonderful workshop for the magazine on Fearless Finances as it relates to women going through divorce and it was a blast!  I have been really impressed with Rebecca and the evolution of SPLIT.  Whether it’s dating, finances, self care, sensuality, parenting or any other area of life, SPLIT offers insight and often guidance for the journey.  And, Rebecca is witty and humorous which can be seen in her blog and through her magazine as well!

She and I have remained in touch and I recently I was delighted to find out that she and SPLIT are the sponsors of my upcoming workshop that I will be doing for Savvy Ladies, a wonderful organziation that serves to empower women financially.  The workship is called Who Am I, How Did I Get Here and What Comes Next:  Packing Your Bags for the Journey Through and After Divorce, and I am really excited to be in New York City on April 28 to present it!!!

I hope that if you are anywhere near NYC next Thursday night, April 28. that you will come on out and join us there!

Make sure you sign up for SPLIT’s newsletter and you too will enjoy this fabulous resource!

Subscription to the SPLIT newsletter is easy and free!  Just go to http://SPLITmag.com click on “Subscribe,” and you’ll be set after a few short clicks.

I never imagined that my first full day retreat for women moving through the transition of divorce would be as amazing as it was.

After months of preparing for Anew YOU!, my special one day event, I arrived eager to meet the women who were trusting me to jumpstart their journey forward through and after divorce.

I had my curriculum, notes, materials, exercises, and agenda all perfectly arranged and ready to go.  But it wasn’t until each magnificent woman arrived, that the day was truly set in motion.

There is magic that happens when women come together opening themselves to a new experience and trusting in the universe that they are exactly where they are supposed to be.    And that is exactly what happened on April 2.

16 fabulous women joined me for a day of transformation, taking a massive step towards their new and extraordinary life.

Over the course of the day, I learned so much about each one and they learned about each other.  It took great courage to sign up for an event to talk about something so painful and scary, yet they faced their fears and did it anyway!

How remarkable!

As one of the women said over lunch when I asked her how she was feeling, “I thought a day about divorce would be depressing and that I would be crying the whole time…I had no idea how empowering it would be!”  It was music to my ears!

I had spent so long preparing a curriculum that would be exciting, educational and inspiring for the women…I did not consider that it was them who would be inspiring and teaching me throughout the day!

Having now had time to process and reflect on it, I realize that the first ever Anew YOU! retreat allowed me to clearly identify the  Five Keys to Moving Through Divorce with Grace. And now I am going to share them with you.

1. You deserve an EXTRAORDINARY life.

The first key is to fully own the belief that YOU deserve the life you imagine and desire.  You don’t have to do anything special to earn it, but rather you were born a beautiful, magnificent and deserving woman who can have everything you want!

My clients will often ask me if they really can have what they want or if it doesn’t really exist.  Or, they struggle with if they are being selfish by wanting to have it all.   If we do not give ourselves permission to feel how deserving we are, we won’t ever allow ourselves to have the life we really want.

2. Nothing is more powerful than connecting with women who have a shared experience.

The second key is to open ourselves up to receiving the support we need to move through the journey of divorce.

Divorce can feel isolating and many women feel alone in their new reality.  What always amazes me the most is the support, compassion and wisdom that women bestow on each other when they have the opportunity to connect.  While it may be frightening and uncomfortable…finding ways to connect to each other during the transition of divorce will offer you unimaginable strength.

3. Knowledge is power.

The third key is to arm yourself with as much information as possible.

Divorce can quickly show us just how little we know and how much we have to learn.  It can be humbling.  Rather than step into feeling embarrassed at how little we know or how sorry we feel for ourselves for not having been given or taught what we should know, we can instead take this time as the opportunity to learn as much as we can.  Whether it is regarding finances, legal rights or any other area of life, there are countless resources for educating yourself.

4. Ask the right questions, get the right answers.

The fourth key is to improve our skills at asking questions.

Divorce is an experience that can often cause women to “presume” or “project” what others will do, say or how they will act during this time.  Even when it comes to ourselves.

One of the greatest skills we can master is asking the right questions.  These are questions that lead us to learn more about our relationships, experiences and self-awareness.  When we learn to ask the right questions, we will receive the right answers.

5. Mastering the 3 C’s will propel you towards your new life.

The fifth key is mastering the 3 C’s: clarity, confidence and control.

When navigating the choppy waters of divorce, it is critical to master these three important guiding forces.

Without clarity around what you really want and need, the confidence to own your decisions, and control over your choices and actions, it will be challenging to move forward towards your ideal life.

As with any skills, mastering the 3 C’s will require education, discipline and focus.  Getting the support you need to master them is an investment in yourself that you can’t afford NOT to make.

These five guiding principles became abundantly clear to me as we talked about where each woman is in their journey, where they want to be and how they are going to get there.

Mastering these will provide you with a roadmap for creating your new and extraordinary life.   Are your READY to have all that you want?

Over the weekend I was reminded, again, just how many fabulous opportunities and possibilities come along when we are focused on “what comes next” instead of “what was”.

As many of you know, my first book, The Ultimate Divorce Organizer: The Complete, Interactive Guide to Achieving the Best Legal, Financial and Personal Divorce, will be releasing this June.  Yes, it was supposed to be released March 1st but printing delays have pushed the date back to June.

I will be selling the book on my website, but you can certainly pre-order it through Amazon if you want to get it hot off the presses! Click here to purchase.

For any of you who are contemplating divorce, separated or moving through it…this book will become your BIBLE! It is a step by step guide to moving through divorce and addresses the Legal and Financial Journey as well as the Emotional Journey. You can find out more about it here:
http://www.discoverthedspot.com/book.php

It was such a joy to create a book and resource for women who are moving through the transition of divorce and was a project that has caused me such enormous personal pride and satisfaction, that I haven’t taken the time to sit back and celebrate what a big accomplishment it really was.

Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever accomplished something wonderful but simply complete the task and move on to the next?

I believe strongly in acknowledging ourselves as magnificent women and taking time to give ourselves the credit we deserve for all of the big AND small accomplishments that we achieve in our daily lives. As a matter of fact, celebrating the baby steps we take as well as the significant choices we make along our journey is something that I take very seriously!

Well, I hadn’t done that.

And, although I have been merrily moving along towards new and exciting projects in my life, my dear and beloved cousin, Shami, did not want this to go un-noticed.

So, this past weekend she gave me a small, intimate luncheon with my mother and closest friends to celebrate my upcoming book launch and the joy I am getting from sharing it with the world.

When I arrived at her home, all I noticed was bowls and bowls of HUGE and GORGEOUS lemons all over!  When I asked her why there was an overabundunce of lemons around the house, she informed all of us that the theme of the luncheon was LEMONS and that she wanted to honor and applaud me for moving along my life and always making lemonade out of lemons.

And while it sounds cliché here, her words brought tears to my eyes.

I had forgotten to pay attention to my own life, and acknowledge myself for working so hard, everyday, on focusing on what comes next and what will be….not what was and will never be.

I wanted to share this wonderful experience with you because you, and I, together are on a journey towards our new and exceptional lives. We may face challenges and obstacles, but if we keep ourselves facing forward and focused on the wonderful opportunities and possibilities that will present themselves to us, baby step by baby step we will create the life we imagine and deserve.

And, I want to remind YOU, as I was reminded by my dearest family and friends, that you MUST celebrate all of the achievements, big and small, that you accomplish each and everyday!

You DESERVE it…you are a brilliant, bold, and beautiful woman with infinite wisdom and talent!!!

I have noticed recently that many of my clients are struggling with what I call the Moment of Finality.

You may be asking yourself, what is the “moment of finality”?  Great question.

 My definition of the “moment of finality” is the moment that any relationship in your life changes indefinitely and the ‘way it has always been’…ends.”

 It can be a professional relationship;

A friendship;

A romantic relationship;

A partnership; or

A marriage.

When any one of these relationships evolves to a point where it no longer serves us,  and causes us enough sadness, pain and conflict, we begin evaluating whether or not we choose to remain in the relationship.  This period of evaluation can last for up to years….especially when it is the marital relationship. 

The  “moment of finality” happens when we know in our heart…deep in our core, that the relationship is over as we know it.  And that in fact, we will now need to move on…let go of  “what was”. 

Unfortunately, (and this is where the challenge and struggle really lie), only one person in the relationship needs to come to this “moment of finality”  for the relationship to deteriorate, and eventually end. 

The person who arrives at this moment of finality first will usually do one of two things:

1. Choose to end the relationship and with a marriage, ask for a divorce.  In some cases they have been open and honest about their unhappiness so it is no surprise, and in other cases, they experience enormous guilt and can’t find the courage to communicate.  Therefore, this choice seems to come “out of nowhere”.
2. Engage in a Self Sabotaging behaviors.  In this instance, instead of making a choice to end the relationship openly, honestly and with respect, they act in a way that will ultimately lead to the demise of the relationship, such as having an affair, drinking excessively,….

Let’s use a less emotional experience as an example.  You may work in a job that is only “okay” for you, one that is not ideal, but pays the bills.  You don’t really like it, but you accept that it is not “bad enough” to make a change.  However, you get called into your boss’ office and told that they are re-organizing the department and there will not be a place for you in the new structure….that you are being let go. 

Even though you don’t really “like” the job and it is not “ideal” for you, you are stunned to have been fired and paralyzed with the fear of what you are going to do now.  You were not ready for this relationship to end, and therefore, didn’t see it coming….even though you knew it was not the right job and situation for you.

A relationship/marriage, is no different.

 Almost all of the women (and men for that matter) that I speak with at any length about their divorce, whether they initiated it or not, recognize that their marriage at its core, was NOT ideal for them.

But even knowing that it was not “ideal”, the divorce hits with such force, that we are left stunned, winded and overwhelmed with emotions.  We forget that in our heart, we know that it hasn’t been a good relationship for a long time.

When we are in a relationship or marriage that is NOT ideal for us and does not support us to be our most magnificent selves, and we have done whatever we can to repair it, and it continues to be a cause of pain and struggle, it is time to let it go.

Once one person in the relationship has reached their own “moment of finality”, their focus and attention becomes letting it go and moving forward towards “what comes next”.  They have already internally come to a decision to end the relationship. 

However, the other person may, or may not, be aware of the process that led to their partner/spouse’s decision.  And, because we are not trained to talk openly through the intensity of these kinds of relationship conflicts, it is incredibly difficult and painful to talk about them.  So, in most cases, we don’t.

The difference between when the first person in the relationship has their “moment of finality” and when the remaining person does, is where the greatest miscommunications, misunderstanding and presumptions take place.    It is also where the greatest pain and challenge can be felt.

 And yet, it is also your MOMENT OF DESTINY…and where the journey begins to create your new and extraordinary life.

 If you find yourself not understanding how your divorce happened, wondering why your Ex chose to “leave you” or you are struggling to end your marriage, be gentle with yourself.

If you did not initiate your divorce and it was not your choice, you will need to accept that for whatever reason, you were not made aware of how your Ex came to his “moment of finality” and you may never find out.  Which will be hard for you, but you ARE strong enough to move through it.

If you are contemplating separation or divorce, take the time to understand how and why your marriage no longer serves you and if possible, share your journey openly and honestly with your husband…even if it is frightening to do so.

Regardless of whether your divorce is or was your choice, or not,  reaching your “moment of finality” is scary and overwhelming.  It is always frightening when we can’t see what comes next.  And yet, that is where the greatest growth, joy and opportunities lie!

You are not meant to do it alone…get support if you are struggling with arriving at your “moment of finality” so it can become your Moment of Destiny!!!

I am so excited to share with you my second guest post for my new blog!  About a week or so ago, I shared with you my first guest post written by Tara Eisenhard, Relative Evolutions,  who is going to be joining me with Meredith Allen, this week’s guest’s blogger, for a very special, FREE teleclass!!

On Wednesday, March 23 at 9:00 pm EST Meredith  will be joining me with Tara, to talk about issues around being a single mom, divorced woman and in her own workd, “daughter, sister, friend, loner by nature and lawyer by trade.”

For more information about this special free teleclass and all other D Spot events, sign up at www.discoverthedspot.com.

Enjoy Meredith’s post below:

Thanks so much to Laura for inviting me to guest post and to participate in this month’s teleclass!  I’m Meredith.  Not too long ago, I was a happily married mom of three and my life was pretty well all mapped out.  The day before our tenth wedding anniversary, my husband filed for divorce, shocking me and pretty much everyone we knew.  Within sixty days, I learned about his infidelities, he moved out, we told the kids, we made decisions on custody and finances, the papers were drawn up and signed, orders were entered by the judge, the ink dried and I was officially divorced.  I’d like to know what the Guinness World Record is for the fastest divorce in history, because I think mine’s probably in the running!  Today, not quite two years later, I am a happily divorced mom of three and although my life is anything but mapped out anymore, I think I like it better that way.  The road from there to here has been, and continues to be, both sad and happy, high and low, frustrating and peaceful, painful and joyous.  In other words, pretty rich.

Along the way I started a blog called Now Is Good in an effort to help me process what I was going through and to find a creative outlet to do a little writing.  I write about whatever moves me on a given day, but most frequently I explore the effect of the divorce on my kids, co-parenting with my ex, dealing with his girlfriend and her relationship with my children, and the ups and downs of carving out a new life when the old one  disappears.  My blog is just one (although one of my favorite ones) of the unexpected positive outcomes of a divorce I didn’t see coming and didn’t at all want.  On the first anniversary of my divorce, I wrote a post entitled “D-Day and 100 Divorce Perks” and listed out the top 100 ways in which my divorce had effected a positive change in my life.  I’m finding that if I just look in the right places, I add to that list more and more every day.

Woohoo!  Spring has just about SPRUNG!  Do you feel it?

So, are you feeling ready for the spring?  Or, has this long, cold, snowy, and rainy winter made you feel “stuck” where you are?

Recently a new client said to me, through her tears, “I hate feeling this way.  I cry all the time, I am angry and bitter…I was never this way.  This is NOT who I am…I want ME back again.”

I was struck at her frustration at being “stuck” and wanting to reclaim her joy, her MOJO and her magnificent self….because I have been there myself.  Separation and divorce become a catalyst for massive change…however, at the time, we can’t always “see” what comes next.  And, we are often paralyzed by our emotions and struggle to take the action we know we should be taking!

The problem is, no matter how much we sit alone at work, home or while running our kids around thinking about it, we can’t jumpstart our journey alone. 

We need each other to gain wisdom, inspiration, encouragement and support.    It  is hard to make friends in mid life, especially after divorce….and yet, we all want desperately to connect; to ourselves and each other.

I have spent the past few months planning a really special opportunity for YOU!

It is a one day retreat aimed to get you “un-stuck”! 

It is called Anew YOU!  and is a specially designed  program to jumpstart your journey towards designing your new and fantastic life!  It will be taking place on April 2, in Connecticut, at a wonderful studio called Fitbehavior in Rocky Hill.

 I have invited six amazing experts to join me in offering you a day of radical transformation in all the areas of your life that need your attention:

• Financial Empowerment – Lili Vasileff
• Self Care – Carolyn Phillips
• Attracting Ideal Relationships – Janice Christopher
• Dating After Divorce – Jaimy Blazynski
• Believing In and Trusting Yourself – Mary Jones
• Surviving and Thriving – Cathering Ewing
• Taking MASSIVE Action  – ME

The agenda and details for the day can be found at:

http://www.discoverthedspot.com/events.html

This is a never been offered before event, and I want YOU to be a part of it!

I know that there are many excuses you can make to avoid stepping out of your comfort zone and into an opportunity to finally create the life you REALLY want, including:

• Cost
• Time
• Location
• Fear
• “Not into that”

However,  DON’T!  I want you to CHOOSE YOU! 

Together, with a group of women who all have a shared experience, the transition of divorce, you will BREAKTHROUGH where you are to design what comes next!

I have asked these amazing experts to join me this month for a couple of special FREE teleclasses to give you a “taste” of what they will be doing on April 2 at Anew YOU!

The schedule of these special calls is:

Monday, March 14 – Jaimy Blazynski and Carolyn Phillips

Monday, March 21 – Janice Christopher

Monday, March 28 – Mary Jones and Catherine Ewing

All of these calls will take place at 9:00 p.m. EST and will be an opportunity for you to get a “taste” of just how wonderful the Anew YOU! event will be!!!

The call information is:

Phone Number:              760-569-0800

Access Code:                     379361#

What would it mean if:

• You could design a life around what matters most to YOU?
• You had peace and balance in your life?
• You could achieve the health and wellness that you wish for?
• You reached the level of financial security and independence that you only dream of?
• You had joyful, meaningful and exceptional relationships with your children and family?
• You woke up every morning feeling fantastic about YOUR life and excited to begin each day!

 For more information, go to www.discoverthedspot.com/events.html.

During last week’s inter view with Deesha and Michael  of Co-Parenting101, we talked about just how challenging it can be to do and say what you KNOW in your heart is the “right” thing to do and say when you are faced with emotionally charged situations.  This conversation caused me to reflect on just how many of these moments occur when going through and moving forward after divorce.

One day soon after my divorce was over I was in a store shopping when I came upon a cute summer beach bag and matching flip flops.  They were both black and all over them, written in white, was “It’s all about me, It’s all about me…”. I loved them!  And so, I bought them.

And I wore them everyday that summer making the very clear statement that I was moving forward after my divorce with a distinct emphasis on yours truly, ME!

While I focused on taking care of myself, nurturing myself and regrouping after the divorce, I didn’t realize just how true this little “statement” would become.

What I quickly found out in the early months of moving forward through and after my divorce, is that I would have to be completely responsible and accountable for every word that came out of my mouth, every behavior I exhibited and every action that I took.  Good….and bad.

And this would be A LOT harder than I could have imagined!

My ex-husband knew exactly how to push my buttons…triggering all kinds of emotions in me.  And…there were so many triggers!  He wasn’t necessarily “trying” to illicit these responses, but I was now in a position to have to keep my cool and choose my responses wisely…for the benefit not only of my children but for an even more important person…(drum roll please), ME!

Yes, ME!

You see, I hadn’t really learned that what comes next is solely dependent on what happens NOW.

While you may not see it, how you respond to each and every challenging event, heated moment, triggered emotion and pushed button, will define who you are and where you are going.  Now, I didn’t say it would be easy….nor did I say that there won’t be times when you lose your cool or act in a way that you didn’t mean to.

What I am saying is that while you may think that the greatest reason to think before you act or speak and choose your responses wisely is for someone else…it is really about YOU.

Have you ever said something or done something that felt liberating at the time?

Maybe it “really needed to get said”.

Or, maybe you needed to “correct an untruth”.

Or…maybe,  he or she “deserved it”.

Revenge, retaliation or spreading your pain and/or anger will only boomerang back to you in one way or another.  You may not see it now, but each time you are able to exercise restraint, process your emotions when they are being challenged, and CHOOSE your next move with clarity, control and to accomplish what you really want…you are one step closer to healing and designing your new and exceptional life.

Again, let me say again, there will always be moments that are emotionally charged.  And there will be times when we are not “perfect” (of course, because there is no such thing!!!).  But, like anything else in life, it will take patience, practice and a commitment to YOURSELF to handle these moments as they present themselves.

So, yes, it IS all about you!