The D Spot

As we begin the holiday season this week with the celebration of Thanksgiving, I want to express my sincerest gratitude for you by sharing a few thoughts that I hope  you will take with you as you kick off the holiday season and remember as you move towards the New Year!  I guess you can call these the words that I live by; I am sure there are many more, but these are the ones that I keep near and dear to my heart.

Good is not good enough.

Fear is our greatest challenge.

We don’t really understand one another.

Extraordinary love changes everything.

You can have extraordinary love if you choose to have it.

Children have only one mother and one father.

Candles make everything better;  so does chocolate.

A healthy body leads to a healthy mind.

What happens next is 100% up to you.

The fastest way to get what you want is to let go of what you don’t.

Happiness can come from really small things.

Giving feels better than anything else.

You need to love yourself before you can love anyone else.

Sex is absolutely necessary; and it rocks!

Dancing will change your mood instantly.

Children are miracles.

You don’t have to forgive, but you must accept.

Time only moves forward, so we must as well.

Love hurts.

Loss hurts.

Transition is uncomfortable.

You are never alone.

Making friends midlife is hard, but we all want to make new friends.

We are not responsible for anyone’s happiness but our own.

We are solely responsible for our own happiness.

You don’t know what you don’t know so educate yourself.

It is impossible to be our own coach and mentor.

Who you spend your time with is critical and has a tremendous influence on your life.

Love yourself more than you love anyone else because when you do, you can give love more deeply and fully than you can even imagine.

Give of your time, energy, and resources to those who need it.

Never stop learning and growing.

Making friends can happen at any age.

Write daily.

Read daily.

Sleep.

Drink lots of water.

People are not usually what they seem.

There is always a reason why people do and say what they do; and it usually isn’t why you think.

Get curious.

Be curious, not confrontational.

Intentional and strategic communication works.

Honesty always prevails.

You don’t have to be angry to be powerful.

Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it is not there.

It is never too late.

How you do anything is how you do everything.

There is no such thing as perfection.

Vulnerability is sexy.

Softness is not weakness.

Be still.

Find quiet so you can hear your own voice.

Speak your truth.

Live intentionally.

Things can always be worse, trust me.

You are magnificent.

You already have all the answers within you.

Your smile is the sexiest part of your body.

Be gentle; with yourself.

Giggle and find your inner silly.

Kiss…a lot!

Hugging feels so awesome and is free. 

So are compliments.

I love you.

I  truly love and believe in you!

Have a loving, joyous and fabulous holiday!

So this week was the final week of my first ever Are You Ready…for your New Life and Love program and all I have to say is WOW!  What an amazing experience!

One of the things that I love most about what I do is the opportunity to continuously learn and evolve from all of the women that come into my life through my business.  Every email you send me, every conversation we have, and every experience you have teaches me something not only about myself, but also about moving powerfully forward in the creation of life after divorce.

This program allowed me to share five weeks with seven amazing women.  Together we broke through challenges, reconnected with ourselves and designed our new stories.  I was reminded just how powerful it is to come together as magnificent women and support each other in the creation of our ideal lives!  I am truly sad that this first program has come to an end, but I am pumped because I have decided to do it again this fall!!

     Seven women.

     Five Weeks.

     Radical Transformation!!

I wanted to share a little about our experience over the past five weeks because as we all recognized, we are not alone in our journey.  It can feel isolating at times, but once we started talking and sharing our stories, there were commonalities across all of our unique situations.

Your divorce holds the key to unlocking your extraordinary future.

Yes, you heard me correctly.

Through the ending of your marriage and your journey through divorce, you have the ability to learn all that you need to create what you want…IF YOU ALLOW IT!

For so many of us, the exhaustion of the process, the feeling of overwhelm, and the emotions of sadness, grief and anger prevent us from learning what we need to create our new lives.

Instead, we resist.

We defend.

We judge.

We retaliate.

We sabotage.

We do and say many things that in the end, only hurt us.

What was so incredible for me was watching women just like you step out of these limiting behaviors and thoughts, and instead, replace them with MOJO!  With hope.  With brilliant and bold intentions.  With desire.  And with passion.  It was AWESOME!

For those of you who participated in the program and are reading this; THANK YOU!  Thank you for your courage, your inspiration, your magnificence, your depth, your commitment and your energy!  I am a better person for sharing this time with you!

And for all of you…if you are feeling alone, uninspired, unmotivated, sad, angry, overwhelmed, anxious or simply exhausted…know that your new life is right around the corner.  Even if you can’t see it yet.

You are at the beginning.  The beginning of the rest of your life; and it is there ready for you to reclaim it!

I appreciate you indulging me while I brag about the incredible women who shared this time with me.  It was too short…just the tip of the iceberg!

If you are interested in participating in the next Are You Ready?! Program that will take place this fall…just email me at discoverthedspot@gmail.com and I will make sure you get the information as soon as it is ready.

Even more exciting…I am creating an Are You Ready Alumni group so that as you complete the program, you will be able to join the other women in sharing, supporting, and encouraging each other as you move forward!

P.S.  Here are quotes from four of the seven women who participated…I hope you enjoy seeing their transformations as much as I did!

• “I have to say once I started this exercise I felt energized, passionate (gasp!) and alive!  I loved it, couldn’t stop working on it.  Thank you so much for introducing me to this – it feels like I’m on the right track when I’m thinking this way.  It’s so easy to get stuck in the pain of what could have been, the losses you suffer on a daily basis (sharing kids, etc) that your forget how truly amazing your life is & will be.  So, thanks again.  Fantastic!  Can’t wait to work on this some more. “

• “Thanks Laura!!!  Your guidance and posts help me believe I can do this.  Ur program is pretty amazing!”

• “The D Spot has been a huge part of me reclaiming my life and helping me heal and move on with my life.”

• “THANK YOU!  I thought the first session was fabulous and I can’t wait for this process to unfold.”

When I got divorced, I remember saying to my mother, “This is not where I thought I would be at this stage of my life.” I was sad when I said it, and stuck in the disappointment of my failed marriage. Divorce had definitely not been part of my life plan.

This past week, I had to go for a follow up mammogram after my initial one came back needing “further imaging”. I hadn’t given it much thought until I was headed down to the Smilow Cancer Center at Yale for my follow up visit, when a little voice inside me said “what if they find something?”

Now I am not a particularly big worrier and my approach to life is to cross bridges when I come to them. But at that very moment, alone in the car, I thought to myself, let my divorce be the most challenging transition I ever have to go through. I was afraid.

As it happens, the results were perfect and I am just fine, but the experience got me thinking about where exactly I thought I would be at this point in my life and where I think I am going.

If that were not enough, over the weekend I found out that a friend, not an intimate best friend, but another woman and mother in my town, lost her oldest daughter to a tragic house fire while away at college. I was stunned. My son is going to be 18, soon on his way to college. I just simply can’t imagine her pain and suffering. Again, I found myself grateful for blessing of my healthy and safe children, and the amazing life that I truly do lead.

The truth is that no, I never did think that I would be divorced, raising my kids as a single parent, working hard to secure my financial future, looking at empty nesting as a time to launch my next chapter, and managing far more alone than I thought I would.

Divorce can feel like the old fashioned game of pick up sticks. Remember that game?

After holding the sticks tightly together, you released them with force sending them all over the table. Then, one stick at a time you pick them up, making sure not to touch or move any other stick as you do it.

It took patience and a good strategy for addressing which stick should be picked up first so that none of the others would be affected.

Divorce can feel that way. It can feel as though all of the areas of our lives have been forcibly let go and now are scattered around us waiting to be picked up. And as we begin to create our new lives, everything we do will affect all of the other parts.

And of course, we never expected it. We never imagined while walking down the aisle at our wedding, that our future would include divorce. But today, I am grateful that I do not have breast cancer and my children are healthy and safe.

In fact, I have taken quite a bit of time this week not only to be fully present in my gratitude, but to embrace the incredible control that I have over what comes next.

Divorce has not made me a victim; instead it has given me the gifts of courage, strength, creativity, self awareness, gratitude, love, and control over my destiny.

There are things over which we have control, and there are things that we do not.

This is not where I thought I would be at this stage of my life, but it is a glorious place to be. And while I don’t know what my future holds, I do know that I can create it in any way that I want.

Join me in doing a simple exercise that will help you to gain a new perspective on the life magnificent life that you are living.

Take out a piece of paper and write on the top of it, “The Magnificent Stage Upon Which My Life is Built”. Underneath this, write down all of the things that are present in your life today.

If your children are healthy, write down “My children are healthy!”

If you have a home that you live in comfortably, write down “I live in a home that I am comfortable in!”

Perhaps your kids are grown, or you don’t have any, and you are free to live anywhere you want, write down “I can live anywhere I want!”

I want you to list your assets, attributes, and accomplishments. Your abilities, strengths and opportunities.

For those of you who I am or have worked with, you know that a big part of the planning for what comes next and the designing of your new life after divorce, is being able to see and create opportunities and possibilities…even when they “feel” impossible.

Don’t limit yourself to what you can already see, open yourself up to what might be. I know it can be frightening, but just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it is not there!

So no, this is not where I thought I would be at this stage of my life, but it is where I am. And I am excited about what the next chapter will look like and the unimaginable joy it will bring!

About a year after my divorce, I was fortunate to participate in Tony Robbins’ extraordinary program, Mastery University.  I would have to say that I went into this program reluctantly thinking, “I am not one of those people who needs to be told to think positive thoughts.” I wasn’t looking for motivation and certainly not a self-help guru.

What I really wanted was to figure out where I was going and what would come next. I felt sad, confused and completely overwhelmed by the enormity of the changes from the divorce and had no idea how to move forward.

It was actually my parents and brother who encouraged (actually pushed) me into registering for a “personal development program”. Looking back I think I was just the victim of an intervention!

It was by far the most uncomfortable thing I have ever done. I felt pathetic, scared and unable to understand why I was there. After all, I was fine. I just wanted to move forward and I didn’t need anyone’s help…I knew exactly what I needed to do.

The day I began Mastery University was the day that marked the true beginning of my new life.

The moment the program started, so did my tears. Tears, tears and more tears. I couldn’t imagine where they were all coming from. And as the tears flowed, I found the sadness and anger begin to leave my body. I began to breath, relax and open myself up to what would come next, not knowing at all what that would be.

Sometime over the next few days, we were asked to write about the blessings in our lives. My immediate reaction was that I have my children, my family, my health…beyond that I went blank.

At Tony Robbins events, there are many individuals available to support you through the exercises. One of these coaches saw that I wasn’t writing anymore and stopped to ask me how I was doing. I shared with him that I was recently divorced and trying to figure it all out. That I didn’t feel particularly “blessed”, but rather was grappling with all of the changes going on in my life, including sadness, anger, anxiety, and fear.

He asked me to use the remaining time to complete the sentence, “My divorce is a blessing because….”.

Hmmmm, what on earth was I supposed to do with this?  My divorce as a blessing?????

He told me to just keep writing…not to let my hand stop even if I thought I had nothing more to say. And so I did…and I haven’t stopped since.

Have you ever stopped to think about why or how your divorce is a blessing in your life?

I want to share with you just some of what I wrote that day, and a few of the reasons why my divorce is a blessing:

1.    The divorce journey taught me who I am and what I really want.
2.    I am able to live my truth, every day and in every way.
3.    I have learned to tap into the passion within me.
4.    I reclaimed who I am as a healthy and whole woman.
5.    I reconnected to the magnificence of ME!
6.    I rediscovered my sensuality and sexuality; opening the door to exploring my femininity.
7.    I stepped more fully and powerfully into my role as a mother.
8.    I learned how courageous and resilient I truly am.
9.    I discovered how strong I am.
10.  I became an exceptional communicator.
11.  I now know how to manage conflict and challenge, and have been able to  teach that to my children.
12.  I have deliberately created a new and fabulous life for myself.
13.  I now experience love in an entirely new, deep and amazing way.
14.  I found my life purpose.
15.  I took responsibility for who I am, good and bad, and learned how to become the person that I want to attract into my life.
16.  I learned how to forgive.
17.  I found grace, compassion and integrity.
18.  I discovered the power of choice.
19.  I no longer allow my emotions to control my words, actions and behavior.
20.  I took control of my destiny.
21.  I rediscovered joy and playfulness.
22.  I trust myself.
23.  I love myself.
24.  I believe in myself.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?

This is only the beginning of my list of blessings…I add to them all the time. This exercise has become my daily practice of gratitude…for all that I have and all that I am.

If you have not taken time to reflect on the blessings of your divorce, I hope you will take a few minutes to begin your list. Write even if you feel like you have nothing to say.

And if you are having difficulty in finding the blessings of this most significant transition, give me a call…we can do it together!

I would love to hear from you and have you share your list of blessings!