The D Spot

As many of you know, I not only will be speaking at, but am also on the Advisory Board of the amazing, first ever Start Over Smart Divorce Expo taking place in New York City on March 31 – April 1!  If you haven’t already bought your tickets, do it now…I would love to meet you in person!

On Saturday I will be speaking with my mother on The Ripple Effect of Divorce: How My Divorce Affected Those Who Love Me Most and the Lessons I Learned.  She and I will explore the impact of those five little words, “I am getting a divorce” not only on our relationship, but also on my caring circle of friends and family as well.  Together we will share stories of our personal journey while at the same time presenting our secrets to strengthening these relationships through divorce.  This is the perfect workshop for any of you who have a parent, sister, or best friend who loves you and is doing their best to support you…even if it doesn’t feel that way.  I hope you will grab them and join us for a fun and special workshop!

On Sunday I will be participating on a fantastic panel, The Real Deal on Divorce. I will be joined by two of my amazing friends, Nicole Baras Feuer (co-founder of the Start Over Smart Expo) and Nancy Levin (author and Hay House Event Producer). The panel will be moderated by Stacy Morrison, Editor-in-Chief of Blogher.com and former Editor of Redbook Magazine.  We are going to talk about the things no one ever talks about when it comes to divorce!! Woohoo!!!

As the four of us began to talk about our panel and the juicy things we wanted to talk about, we tossed around, sex, sensuality, co-parenting surprises, eating for one and all kinds of other things that we have all faced on our own personal journeys.

 Our emails began flying and Stacy shared with us an article that she had written for the New York Times about an unexpected post-divorce situation.  Click here to read the article.

It is a great article, but I wasn’t prepared for how I would feel reading it.

As I finished reading it, I felt a strange mixture of happiness for her…and jealousy.  Yes, you heard me right, jealousy!

I am not a jealous person, in fact I am an advocate for peaceful solutions when it comes to divorce…all four of us are.  But I realized that I wished that I could exchange one of my own challenges for the one she talks about in the article.

She and her Ex-husband are collaboratively and peacefully co-parenting their son and although uncomfortable at times, they are leaving the door open to redefining their co-parenting relationship and navigating the new lives they are each creating.  Unfortunately, my Ex-husband and I are not.  It was once that way for us, but new lives, new loves and a variety of other circumstances have caused our initial post-divorce relationship to deteriorate.  It is not what I want and I am sad about it.

Three of the four us on the panel have children, and while we all started out with the same intention and desire to successfully and collaboratively co-parent our children, we each have faced unique challenges as we move along our journey.

I shared my reaction to the article with the group, which opened up the door for us to explore even further how though so much can seem the same; our experiences are in fact different on so many levels.  And none of us anticipated the unexpected consequences that our divorces would present.  It felt wonderful and liberating to share with each other just how much we didn’t know about what this divorce journey would be like and give each other support we need, and deserve.

I also know that we are not alone, and that each of you has a unique journey along which you are traveling.

So, I am even more excited today about being a part of this panel…it is going to be juicy, fun and fabulous!  I really hope you will find your way to NYC and join us then!!

Over Thanksgiving weekend I read a book that I have been wanting to read for a long time.  Called The Last Lecture, this book is a recounting of the final lecture presented by computer science professor Randy Pausch as part of a lecture series at the Carnegie Mellon University.  Randy’s lecture was titled “Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams”, and although he talked about exactly this, it was far more than that.

Before reading the book, I knew very little about Randy Pausch other than the fact that he had delivered an extraordinary speech before his untimely death at a young age leaving behind his beloved wife and three small children.

It was an easy read and yet, even after reading as many books on personal growth and intentional, positive living as I have, he shared a number of wonderful lessons that I have been thinking about ever since.

The one that resonates the most with me is about perseverance and determination, and yet, is remarkably simple at the same time.  Essentially, nothing that you or I haven’t heard before, but for whatever reason, his presentation of it reinforced my own sense of responsibility and personal power.

Randy says, “Brick walls are there for a reason.  They give us a chance to show how badly we want something.”

BAM!  What a simple and powerful statement!!

While reading this, I was reminded of just how persistent we must be when we really, truly want something for ourselves.  So often when we come up against our own brick walls, we retreat in fear, frustration or fury.  Instead of remaining committed to our goal and increasing our efforts to reach it, we view the obstacle as too big to overcome, to exhausting to deal with or too much to handle.  You know what I am talking about?

These brick walls are given to us for a reason, and provide us with an opportunity not only to grow, but to review and revise our strategy for moving forward.  It is all in the way that we view them and how we choose to respond to them.

Despite my best attempts, I too find myself occasionally giving up way to quickly and feeling frustrated at experiencing yet another roadblock.    Or, worse, taking the “low and easy road” when responding and making the situation even worse for myself.   Has this ever happened to you?

When going through and moving forward after divorce it can feel like you come up against one brick wall after the other and therefore the challenges also feel insurmountable and your dreams, vision and goals unachievable.   But it is not true!  It is only the lens through which you are looking…a lens that reflects your temporary exhaustion, sadness, fear and frustration!

Randy, through his last lecture, shares with us the gifts that our brick walls have to give.  That they are there to inspire us, to raise our bar and fight through our fears as we push forward and go out and get what we want.  His words are written so that his children will know who he is.  So that they will understand his character and the values that he holds dear.  At the same time that he helps us to reframe how we face our brick walls, he reminds us that our even greater obligation is to remember that we are modeling for and teaching our children and those we love.  How we move forward sets the standard for our children and informs their values.   How we live our life is the legacy we leave our children, our families and our community.

His message is powerful.

Randy’s book reignited a passion in me to focus on my dreams and commit to doing whatever it takes to achieve them.

Whatever your latest challenge, it will not be the last brick wall that you will be faced with.   I hope that now, when it does come, you will choose to view it as an opportunity.  And that you will not only get clear on exactly what you do want, but accept the challenge as a way for you to prove just how badly you want it!

As you embrace your brick walls, please share them so that we can all celebrate your courage, strength and perseverance!

How you do anything is how you do everything.

I heard this the first time from my friend, colleague and mentor, Kellie Kuecha.  Kellie is a master of business branding and identity and in supporting individuals to OWN their worlds.

Take a moment to read this sentence again, and fully absorb the meaning in these words, for they are the truest I have found.

How you do anything is how you do everything.

How you handle and manage any situation, challenge or experience in your life is how you probably handle all of them.

Upon first hearing this I took a bit of time to reflect on it because it speaks fully to how I live my life…today.   But it wasn’t always this way.

As I took time to look back on my life and especially my marriage, I realize that this statement was true even then, though I hadn’t fully realized its implications.

I may not have understood then but I understand now that each and every action I take, word I speak and decision I make contributes to the creation of the life I choose to live.

Let me give you an example.

Immediately following my divorce, I, like most parents who get divorced, made a commitment to doing whatever I could to ensure that my children would be okay.  I wanted to make sure that I made decisions that were in their best interest and that I considered their well being every step of the way.  And so, from that moment on, I had to think long and hard every time I would interact with my Ex husband.

Divorce does not come without its many challenges, including the complexities around co-parenting.  My Ex and I, while we both love our children, do not always get along. In fact, there are many things he does and says that infuriate me.  Over these years (and I am sure into the future) he has, and will, give me many reasons to be hostile and angry.

Because I take this phrase, how I do anything is how I do everything, so seriously, I have had on many occasions had to bite my tongue, shed tears out of frustration and fury, and take the high road by deliberately choosing how I would handle the situation so that I can do what I committed to do; live my life in a way that puts the interests of my children first.

In those moments of frustration and fury, it would be easy to over react or indulge in the emotion of the moment, but then I am reminded; if I do that, it would mean that this is how I handle all things, and I have set a much higher standard for myself.

My divorce forced me to do a complete life assessment.  Why wasn’t I happy?  What had I done wrong in my marriage?  What did I want my life to look, and feel like?

Believe it or not, I am not and was not a “woo woo” kind of girl.  I tend towards being a skeptic and often times, especially back then, fell into the “victim” mentality.  I believed that there were a million reasons why I couldn’t have the life I wanted.

But I was wrong.

As a matter of fact, it wasn’t until this little phrase entered my world, that I really began to understand how I was going to move forward towards creating a new life for myself.  It was going to be one action at a time. One “taking the high road moment” at a time.  One carefully chosen word at a time.

Because how you do anything is how you do everything, it is important to be honest about how you do the “anything”.

For example, how do you perform at work?  What are you friendships like?  How to you approach a challenge?

If you are late with deadlines at work and do not pay close attention to detail, then the chances are that these characteristics can be seen in your personal life and relationships as well.  If you often find yourself having conflict with friends and family members, you will probably find that there is conflict in the other areas of your life too.

This is a particularly important phrase to consider when women (and men for that matter) begin dating again after divorce.  The patterns of behavior and characteristics that can be seen in all areas of your life will reliably present themselves when beginning new relationships as well.  You may be looking for something radically different than the relationship you had with your Ex, but if you don’t do the hard and humbling inner work after your divorce, you will probably attract the same kind of relationship that you had before.

So let me ask you this, do you fully understand how you do “anything”?  And, if you aren’t fully satisfied with your “anything”, perhaps now is the time to break old patterns and set a new standard.

I did it!

As I have already shared with you, the first half of the summer I found myself getting off track and had to refocus, reframe and regroup to get back on track.

For the past two and half weeks, my kid’s have been on a summer vacation with their father.  At first I was a bit emotional about the length of time that they would be away, especially because the three of us had just come off of a few weeks of more than usual conflict and unpleasantness. I never like separating from my kids when we are disconnected and emotionally charged so this was a challenge for me.

However, when I took some time to reflect, I realized that the Universe was granting me the opportunity to relax, reconnect with MYSELF, and process the events of the prior month.

I called each of my children, told them how very much I love them and was sorry that we had experienced such a difficult time, and shared with them that although I would miss them, that the two and a half weeks they would be away would be a great way for us all to regroup and meditate on all that had happened. I made a commitment to them that I would relax and reflect and that when vacation was over, we would sit down and talk about it looking forward not back…and without so much emotion.

So, what did I do you ask?

Well, I did exactly what I told my children (and myself) that I would do. I took these two and a half weeks without them as an opportunity to spend some time on all the areas of my life that need my attention. I took time to regroup, renew and reinvent…basically, to “walk my talk”!

I spent the first week refueling and regrouping. I went to bed early, slept late, caught up with household tasks, read a few books and in all ways simply relaxed!

The second week I devoted myself to catching up with friends, working on my strategic plan for The D Spot (including the awesome fall programs and events I have coming up!), and getting ready for the release of my book, which by the way is happening NOW!

You can now purchase the book directly from my website, http://www.discoverthedspot.com/book.php! The estimated ship date to you is August 20th!!!

I should add that weaved into both weeks, I carved out special time for my wonderful boyfriend and partner so that we could connect emotionally, physically and recreationally. As I move along my own journey after divorce, creating time to share experiences and play together with my intimate partner has become an important priority.

The last few days of these fabulous two and half weeks I spent reflecting on my kids and the relationship that I share with them. Recognizing that they are a little older now, it is apparent that it is time for me to take our relationship to a new, much more transparent level.

As I look back at the turbulence of the early weeks of summer, I realize that there is nothing holding me back from being exactly the mother that want to be and creating exactly the kind of relationship I want with them. Not their father, not lack of time, not lack of resources…only my fear and hesitancy to stand in my truth and set the standard I expect from them. I had fallen prey to my own limiting fears and beliefs, allowing myself to feel like a “victim”.

When we fall into a “victim mentality”, there is very little that will go our way.

It took this time away…time for quiet, reflection and honest communication with myself, to take back my power as a magnificent woman and mother!!

I feel rested, re-energized and re-committed to creating my ideal life as I move towards the last weeks of summer and into the fall.

I hope you join me in taking time over the month of August to reflect, prepare and plan for the fall!

Happy belated July 4th!

So, here we are. Last week marked the halfway point of 2011 and what felt like the official start of summer with the long July 4th weekend.

I don’t know about you, but I found myself in a bit of a funk over the holiday weekend this year.

For whatever reason, my weekend had no “mojo”!  And as I took time to sit with my funkiness and reflect on why I was feeling this way, I was once again reminded of the long lasting effect that divorce on our lives.

I spent last Friday in the car driving my youngest son to a lacrosse tournament in Long Island where at the end of the tournament Saturday, my Ex took my son and returned home where he would have my kids for the balance of the weekend.

I tried to stay an extra night in the hopes that I could have a lovely holiday beach day on Sunday, but Mother Nature prevailed and I headed home only to find myself cleaning the house and doing the mundane tasks of laundry, grocery shopping, and errands….mostly feeling sorry for myself that I didn’t have anything “fun” to do!

I am fortunate to be in a relationship with a wonderful man but this was a funk that he didn’t create, nor was capable of or responsible for getting me out of. As he went about doing some of the things he loves (fishing, gardening…), I found myself feeling extremely sad.

Have you ever felt this way?

By Sunday night I had spent some time writing and was beginning to realize exactly what was going on. July 4th, Independence Day, symbolizes not only a weekend of family get-togethers and BBQ’s, but for me, an emphasis on freedom, independence and my right to live the life I imagine and deserve.

This year, with my children as teenagers and only having them half a week, I have been feeling not only their growing independence, but the resulting decrease in time that I see them, coupled with the recognition that the “right” to create my extraordinary life is sometimes daunting and frightening.

Divorce creates a tremendous amount of freedom, but that freedom can feel overwhelming and frightening.

An entire weekend to create fun and fabulous experiences and celebrations, and I had not planned one thing!!!  Well, shame on me!

After my divorce, many of my friendships changed.  Families I once shared holidays with no longer extended invitations to family and holiday get togethers.  My changing social life has required that I open myself up to new friendships and become the iniater of gatherings and celebrations. 

When my children are with me, I am more inspired to create holiday and social plans.   Without them over the July 4th weekend, I suddenly found myself without them or social plans, and I have to admit, I was feeling a bit lonely.  In fact, I was in a absolute FUNK!

Since my divorce, every so often something will trigger that sad, empty and lonely feeling that inevitably causes me to fall into a funk.   I immediately know when I have fallen into the  FUNK,  however happily, I have learned how and know exactly what to do to get myself right out of it!

So, I immediately took action!  I woke up on Monday morning, took a long and wonderful run outside, called a friend so that we could get together and enjoy the sunny day, and then she and I went out for a delicious bloody mary and steamers!

It is all about knowing what to do when we find ourselves in a funk …a funk that can cause us to remain stuck where we are…even paralyzing us from taking action.

Creating “what comes next” is not always easy, but it is ALWAYS in our control!

If you are finding yourself stuck in the sadness and fear, you are not alone.  However, you don’t have to remain there…there are great tools and strategies for pulling yourself right out of it!

If you have been feeling stuck in a funk, I hope you will consider my Summer Coaching Special so that you too can create the life you desire!!!

I decided to write this to you on June 21, the longest day of the year…the summer solstice! It also happens to be the day of my son’s 8th grade graduation!

I watched as he stood to be recognized and was surprised at just how emotional I got.

He is my youngest child, and as I saw he and his friends celebrating their conclusion of middle school, I couldn’t help but feel the days, weeks, months and years slipping by so very quickly.

Where has the time gone?

It has been almost 7 years since my divorce and at moments, the pain is still as great as it was when it first happened. As I sat in the sea of parents during the graduation ceremony, I was again reminded of how I never imagined that I would get divorced when I walked down the aisle at my wedding so many years ago.

It is in these moments, or milestones, that I feel the loss of what was….what could have been….what was “supposed” to be.

And yet, even with these emotions that surface every now and again, I am also aware of how my divorce was, in the end, a blessing.

My relationship with my ex-husband was not ideal for me. And it was not exceptional. In fact, my divorce allowed me to find the inner joy and happiness that I so desperately sought while I was married.

No, I never wanted a divorce…who does? But it was the best thing for me, as a woman.

There is both sadness and nostalgia at every event that celebrates our children, because there is no one else that will feel the same depth of emotion about them other than me except their father. It is that bond as their parents that will always be there.

But, after shedding a few tears and allowing the moment to pass, I realized that I am incredibly happy in my new life. I love my relationship with my children. I love that I have created a life around all that I am and all that I want to be. I could not do that while in my marriage.

So, another milestone goes by and I now have both of my children in high school. It won’t be long until they are heading off to college, to begin their own exceptional lives.

And while I wish I could slow down time…I also know that these next few years with them will be full of growth for all of us, and it is exciting! It is my job to model for them what it means to live a life of joy and fulfillment, deliberately creating exactly what you want. To do that, I again re-commit myself to being a happy, whole and healthy woman and mother.

For those of you who have enjoyed graduations, moving up ceremonies and other milestones for your children this spring, CONGRATULATIONS! And, I hope you know that it is normal and appropriate to feel a mixed bag of emotions….for that is the real deal of divorce!

Embrace all of them, and join me in re-committing to taking care of YOU so that you can be the best possible woman and mother you can be!!!

Shared custody.

This sounded fair at the time, especially because I respect and encourage a strong and healthy relationship between my two boys and their father and believe that shared custody is in the best interests of all children wherever possible.

However knowing that it is “fair” and that it is the custody arrangement that is in the best interest of my children meant nothing when it was time for them to go to their father’s for the first time.  I watched them go knowing that I would not see them again for four days.  As they pulled out of the driveway the tears began to fall.

Four days.  Four days without my children.  How was I going to bear the lonliness of it? I was overwhelmed with the loss of what I had always wanted, to be a mother 24 hours a day, seven days a week.  Now what?

I made it through the first week…barely, and then the second.  Each week became a little easier as I started filling up my time with friends, meetings, appointments, errands and anything that I could do to make the empty feeling go away.

Well that was almost 7 years ago.  And over time I have come to (dare I say) enjoy having a bit of free time to reconnect to myself,  enjoy new relationships, spend time with friends and work on my business without it taking away from time with my children.

Sharing your children with your Ex is something that is part of divorce.  But you never get used to it.

You never get used to going to sleep at night knowing that your children’s beds are empty in their rooms.  You never get used to missing the opportunity to take care of them when they are sick in the middle of the night.  You never get used to going entire days without seeing or speaking to them.

I have come to feel GRATEFUL for the invention of texting technology. Yes, I said it.  Texting.  While my oldest son is now driving and I am scared to death of the texting while driving statistics, I am still grateful for the technology that allows me to communicate with them anytime, day or night.

If you have teenagers, you realize that they only want to talk with you and hang out with you when it is convenient for them and they are interested, which is not often.  Because divorce often includes shared custody, this already small amount of time they are interested in talking to you is made even less by having them only part the week.

When they were small, I would only be able to speak to them on the phone when they were with their father if the timing worked out, otherwise I could go a few days without seeing or speaking to them.  And I missed my children terribly.

With cell phone technology and the invention of texting, the game changed.  Yes I call them whenever I want to hear their voices, but again, teenagers only answer the phone when they want to.  They, too, screen their calls and mom doesn’t always make the list.  However,  I have come to learn that they always read their text messages!

So now I get to say “Good morning, have a great day today!” every morning.  And I get to send them goodnight wishes and kisses every night.  I even send them random, “I love you” texts during the day when I am feeling the ache of missing them.

The truth is that they don’t always text me back. Sometimes they are in the mood to talk and call me back instead of texting.   But I know that they always read my text messages.   And they know that I am thinking about them and loving them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

And while it is not a substitute for seeing them, it allows me to share my love, support, humor, and often pertinent information with them directly and often.

We don’t need permission to connect to our children.  We don’t need to have custody of our children every day to connect to them.   All we need to do is love them and let them know it, any way we can.

Oh, and the answer to the question?  NO.  You never get used to sharing your children, not even with your Ex.  But, the joy of technology means that there are more and more ways to connect with them while you are apart.

If  you have found creative ways of connecting with your children when they are with your Ex, I welcome and encourage you to share them with us!

Spending time over last weekend with a group of women all with the desire to write a book and supporting each other to share their gifts and talents with the world, got me thinking about who I choose to surround myself with on a daily basis.

I have always enjoyed being part of a community.

And, it started early for me.

I grew up in a wonderful neighborhood and in particular, lived on a street where in the house next door, across the street and further down the street lived kids exactly the same ages as my brother and I.

We were a “pack” and spent endless hours playing outside together.  Us “girls” formed a secret club where we spent our time making secret handbooks and holding secret meetings.  It was a special group and we remain in touch even today.

As I grew older I continued to find myself part of all kinds of communities.

Eventually all of us on the street grew into our own passions and activities, spending less and less time together as a “pack”.  However, soon after I found myself part of a talented group of girls, my ballet performance troupe, and it was in this incredible community that I spent most of my youth.

Through high school, and college, my interests, areas of study and roommates provided me with safe, welcoming and comfortable communities.  Being part of something, belonging, allowed me to enjoy my life.

When I got married, I moved back to my hometown, where although comfortable having grown up there, I didn’t really know anyone living there as an adult.   So, I immediately got involved in my Synagogue and Jewish community.  My ex-husband is an avid golfer and we found ourselves joining the country club where we did much of our socializing.  When my children were born, it was easy to connect to communities.  There were all of the parent communities…pre-school, elementary school, athletics….it was easy to connect around these shared experiences.  I even had a book club with a bunch of moms from my kids’ elementary school.

But then came my divorce.

And I no longer seemed to fit into these communities anymore.

And the people vanished.

They didn’t call anymore.  Invitations to social and special events stopped altogether.  I felt like I was no longer welcome.

But, where did they go?

I was still a member of the synagogue.

My kids still went to the same schools.

I still shuttled my kids around to all of their activities and sports.

And I still liked to read.

Yet everything was different.  I felt completely alone and isolated from any kind of community.  I felt like I didn’t “belong” anywhere anymore.

Have you ever felt this way?

I hated feeling isolated and alone.  I am a person who thrives on relationships and community and now all my relationships were changing and I no longer fit in where I once did.

What I learned is that divorce, unlike death,  job loss, or parenting issues, does not build or invite community, rather it can break it down.  We come together in support of someone dealing with the death of a loved one, we surround people who have lost their jobs with support and we reach out to comfort parents who are dealing with difficult parenting issues.

But where is the community when we announce that our marriage is ending?

This loss of belonging is one of the major reasons that I started the D Spot…to create a community of women who all have the shared experience of divorce, whatever stage they are in.

Looking back I realize that I truly didn’t belong in some of those communities and although at the time I mourned their loss, I am grateful to have been set free to create new, empowering and supportive communities  for myself.

Surrounding myself with groups of friends, family and colleagues that are founded on consistent, honest and authentic relationships is critical to my journey as a woman.

I love the many and varied communities that I am a part of.  They each and all nurture me in different ways.  Some are personal and some are professional.  And because of them all, I know that I am never alone.

What communities are you a part of that no longer serve you?

Do you open yourself to opportunities to create or join new communities?

So, how was your Mother’s Day?  I got lovely email messages from so many friends and colleagues, however it seems as though it was not necessarily a “joyous” day for all of you.

For many, Mother’s Day can bring up sadness and loss, and for others, custody arrangements may not permit them to be with their children.

In the spirit of honesty, I only got to see one of my children on Mother’s Day, the other had a basketball tournament out of state, and Sunday night is the night my Ex has custody of them.  And, despite popular belief, the day I spent with my youngest son, while really nice, was in no way all “butterflies and rainbows”.

In one of the workshops that I did last week a woman interrupted me mid-sentence, and in a fairly contentious way asked how I could mislead the group to whom I was talking.

Huh??

Me, mislead??

She went on to say, “How could you not tell “them” what it will really be like?  That it is unfair, and costly, and challenging, and…..”

Do you get the picture?

I let her finish her thoughts, hearing in her voice the pain of all that she had been through herself.

And for a moment, I thought to myself…do I mislead anyone to think that divorce is somehow all about “rainbows and butterflies”?  That it is easy…or fair?

No.  I don’t.

Just like my own Mother’s Day was not exactly what my ideal day would have been like…it was perfect just the way it was.  It was REAL.

Despite Hallmark’s attempt to lead me to believe that if my children don’t wake me up to a four course breakfast in bed then they are not really good, loving children, I know how much my children love me and they know that I love them…unconditionally, even without a homemade frittata served to me in bed!

Divorce is NOT all about the “butterflies and rainbows”.

It is NOT fair.

It is NOT perfect and surely NOT exactly what we thought our IDEAL life would include.

However, it is REAL.

It is the way it is.

It is also an opportunity to design an ideal life for ourselves.  It is a catalyst for transformation, reclaiming ourselves and deliberately creating what we want our life to look and feel like.

We can cling to the notion that life is unfair and that we are victims of our circumstance…but that is not really true and it will get us nowhere…fast.

We CAN, however, CHOOSE to open ourselves up to what comes next…even if it frightening, overwhelming and uncomfortable!  It is in this journey that we will find the greatest growth, and ultimately, the greatest joy!

I am right there with you…designing what comes next and open to all of the possibilities that present themselves!

So, how was YOUR Mother’s Day?  Was it REAL?!   I am eager to hear how you chose to celebrate the day the incredibly important role you play as a mother yourself or the daughter of a wonderful woman!

As we approach this weekend, I couldn’t celebrate Mother’s Day without sharing a few of my thoughts with you.

I have done a great deal of reflecting lately on my role as a mother.  My two boys are ages 14 and 16, are rapidly approaching becoming young men.  As I watch them slowly mature into young men I am struck by who they are becoming.  My older son enjoys going out with girls and I spend a lot of time watching and observing how he is developing as a partner in an intimate relationship.

My youngest will enter high school in the fall and again, I am overwhelmed by what a fantastic young man he is becoming and his journey towards creating his independent identity.

While I recognize that there are differences between raising boys and raising girls, there is one thing that I know for sure is the same regardless. And that is that we, as mothers, represent what we hope they will either become as young women or will respect in women.  We are one of the two MOST influential people in their lives…and have an incredible influence on who they will become.

WOW…what a tremendous responsibility and privilege.

They are watching our every move.

• The things we say and the way we say them.
• The choices we make.
• The way we behave…and why.

As I counsel my boys through relationship issues (with friends and in early romances), accepting the consequences of their actions, and the challenges of having to make difficult choices, I realize just how incredibly pivotal our role as a mother is.

It is this recognition that has enabled me to strive towards becoming the BEST “me” that I can possibly be.

It is the inspiration behind every action I take and every word I speak.

I take the role of being a mother seriously and make every day an opportunity to teach them how to take bold and courageous steps towards creating their ideal life.

While it is a few years away, I can already feel the beginning of their separation from me and their desire to move independently along in their own lives.  And I support them fully in taking those scary first steps towards self sufficiency.

I will consider it my greatest success if my children move forward with the clarity, courage and confidence they need to design their own extraordinary lives.

So with this in mind, I will celebrating my role as a mother this Sunday!  My children and I will be joining my own mother to celebrate…after all, she is the one who modeled for me what an exceptional parent and mother is.

For those of you that are mothers, I hope that you will join me in honoring YOU and the vital role that you play in your children’s lives…no matter what age they are!

Have a wonderful mother’s day!