The D Spot

As many of you know, I not only will be speaking at, but am also on the Advisory Board of the amazing, first ever Start Over Smart Divorce Expo taking place in New York City on March 31 – April 1!  If you haven’t already bought your tickets, do it now…I would love to meet you in person!

On Saturday I will be speaking with my mother on The Ripple Effect of Divorce: How My Divorce Affected Those Who Love Me Most and the Lessons I Learned.  She and I will explore the impact of those five little words, “I am getting a divorce” not only on our relationship, but also on my caring circle of friends and family as well.  Together we will share stories of our personal journey while at the same time presenting our secrets to strengthening these relationships through divorce.  This is the perfect workshop for any of you who have a parent, sister, or best friend who loves you and is doing their best to support you…even if it doesn’t feel that way.  I hope you will grab them and join us for a fun and special workshop!

On Sunday I will be participating on a fantastic panel, The Real Deal on Divorce. I will be joined by two of my amazing friends, Nicole Baras Feuer (co-founder of the Start Over Smart Expo) and Nancy Levin (author and Hay House Event Producer). The panel will be moderated by Stacy Morrison, Editor-in-Chief of Blogher.com and former Editor of Redbook Magazine.  We are going to talk about the things no one ever talks about when it comes to divorce!! Woohoo!!!

As the four of us began to talk about our panel and the juicy things we wanted to talk about, we tossed around, sex, sensuality, co-parenting surprises, eating for one and all kinds of other things that we have all faced on our own personal journeys.

 Our emails began flying and Stacy shared with us an article that she had written for the New York Times about an unexpected post-divorce situation.  Click here to read the article.

It is a great article, but I wasn’t prepared for how I would feel reading it.

As I finished reading it, I felt a strange mixture of happiness for her…and jealousy.  Yes, you heard me right, jealousy!

I am not a jealous person, in fact I am an advocate for peaceful solutions when it comes to divorce…all four of us are.  But I realized that I wished that I could exchange one of my own challenges for the one she talks about in the article.

She and her Ex-husband are collaboratively and peacefully co-parenting their son and although uncomfortable at times, they are leaving the door open to redefining their co-parenting relationship and navigating the new lives they are each creating.  Unfortunately, my Ex-husband and I are not.  It was once that way for us, but new lives, new loves and a variety of other circumstances have caused our initial post-divorce relationship to deteriorate.  It is not what I want and I am sad about it.

Three of the four us on the panel have children, and while we all started out with the same intention and desire to successfully and collaboratively co-parent our children, we each have faced unique challenges as we move along our journey.

I shared my reaction to the article with the group, which opened up the door for us to explore even further how though so much can seem the same; our experiences are in fact different on so many levels.  And none of us anticipated the unexpected consequences that our divorces would present.  It felt wonderful and liberating to share with each other just how much we didn’t know about what this divorce journey would be like and give each other support we need, and deserve.

I also know that we are not alone, and that each of you has a unique journey along which you are traveling.

So, I am even more excited today about being a part of this panel…it is going to be juicy, fun and fabulous!  I really hope you will find your way to NYC and join us then!!

D Spot Private Gatherings are opportunities for you to join me and a group of amazing women all going through and moving forward after divorce.  These intimate and informal gatherings take place in a private home and are a safe, comfortable and fun way to learn more about the empowering journey through divorce as well as to ask me questions about anything related to divorce that you want to know!

Each Gathering begins with a social hour where we can all get to know each other.  After sharing a bit of social time together, I will then lead an informal conversation around the real deal of divorce and the many opportunities and possibilities that result from this transition.

Every D Spot Gathering is unique and special.  Often I invite a second divorce expert to join me in offering you an evening of insight, information and inspiration!

I am always looking for women who would like to host a D Spot Gathering and help me to bring together women who are sharing the experience of divorce.  If you should be interested, please email me at discoverthedspot@gmail.com.

I am excited to announce that there are D Spot Gatherings coming up, one in Manhattan and one in Westchester County, New York.   Both events will take place from 6:30 – 8:30 p.m.

January 18, 2012 – Manhattan Gathering, upper West Side private home.

February 1, 2012 – Westchester Gathering

Invitations are by request only and require an RSVP.  If you would like to receive an invitation to either of these events as I finalize the details, please just send me an email to discoverthedspot@gmail.com with “D Spot Gathering” in the subject line and let me know which event you would like to attend!

Friday, January 20th, 2012 – I will be partnering with my good friend and colleague, Ava Diamond, to host a special evening for anyone (yes, men are invited to this one!!!) who is moving forward after divorce and entering the world of dating and romance again! “You…The Sequel” will take place in New Canaan, Connecticut and will explore the excitement and challenges of bringing sex, intimacy, romance and love back into your life!

For more information and to register, please click here.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012 – I am partnering with my friend and colleague Heather Hansen O’Neill, www.fireinfive.com, for a special event called “Real Life, Real Love:  Bringing Passion, Pleasure, Love and Intimacy into Your Life”.

If you are a woman who is going through or moving forward after divorce or any other major life transition, and are ready to reclaim PLEASURE in your life, please join us for a night of education, exploration and fun!

In this special workshop we will be talking about:

• putting enough pleasure in your diet!
• falling madly in love with YOU?
• the secret to living a life of passion!
• how to integrate real love into your real life!

(more…)

This NEW and unique program is designed especially for women who are contemplating divorce, separated, or moving through the process of divorce.

During this program you will gain an understanding of exactly what you can expect from the divorce process and have the support to navigate the often choppy waters of this transition.

The program includes:

• The Ultimate Divorce Organizer: The Complete, Interactive Guide to Achieving the Best Legal, Financial and Personal Divorce – my new book!

• 12 Private Consulting sessions

• All worksheets, exercises and forms

• Unlimited Email Support

The program will not only support you in organizing all that you need to do for the legal process, but will address all of the issues that need your attention as you move from married life to divorce lifestyle; co-parenting, single parenting, dating and love, family and friends, financial independence and your health and wellness.

(more…)

Three short and simple words.  And yet, creating a life you love during and after divorce is something that not only takes time, but more importantly commitment, dedication and discipline as well.

I am proud to introduce my new Platinum Private Coaching program that is designed for women are absolutely ready not only to design, but to take massive action to manifest their new and IDEAL life during and after divorce.

Too often I find myself talking with women who are unhappy with their lives and willing to blame their divorce, their Ex, their kids, their financial struggles, the economy…almost anything for their inability to do, be or create what they want.

In other words, they are content to make any excuse that will allow them to accept their unhappiness as “the way it is”.

• You’re tolerating sadness, unhealthy choices and a lack of energy.
• You’re tolerating relationships with friends, family and your children that are unsatisfying and do not serve or support you.
• You’re tolerating financial dependence and scarcity instead of financial abundance.
• You’re tolerating falling short of your goals and ambitions because it seems so “hard” to follow through and make them happen.
• You’re tolerating a life built around “what was” and “what could have been” instead of what can and will be!

Have you ever felt this way?

It doesn’t mean that you are happy staying right where you are, but you are willing to stay there if changing where you are means that you must do things that are frightening, uncomfortable and difficult.

What I have found through my work with hundreds of women is that when you make the commitment to creating your new life…a life you love, and have the support to not only hold you accountable but motivate and inspire you to take massive action; you WILL manifest all that you desire.

If you are NOT willing to do things that are hard, uncomfortable and scary, you will never create a life of passion, purpose and joy.

Every woman has the right and responsibility to love and honor herself.  It is this love for her own body, mind and spirit that will allow her to walk fully in her own power, making life decisions and choices that reflect this self love.

The journey towards creating an ideal life begins with loving yourself.  Finding peace, joy, happiness and fulfillment can only happen with the lifelong commitment to falling in love with YOU.  If you have forgotten just how magnificent and spectacular you really are as a result of your divorce or any other of life’s inevitable twists and turns, it is time to fall madly in love with yourself again!

This special Platinum Private Coaching program is designed for you if you are ready to set a new standard in your life and do whatever it takes to get you there!

What can you expect from this program?

• You will NOT stay where you are!
• You will walk fully in your own power making choices that reflect your magnificence!
• You will get clear on what you want your new life to look like!
• You will create a Total Life Plan for achieving it all!
• You will let go of “what was” and open yourself up to all that will be!
• You will radically transform your life and welcome in the joy and abundance you deserve!

But it will not come without hard work and discipline.

I won’t assist you in accepting an unhappy, unsatisfying and low standard for your life.  It is my job as your coach to guide you and support you in achieving that which you already know is within you!

Uncovering your brilliance, magnificence and possibility…that is how our time will be spent together.  When you fall in love with yourself again, you will be able to love your life, fully!

So, what does this Platinum Private Coaching program include:

• 2  hour Platinum Coaching Commitment session (value: $250)
• 20 coaching sessions to be used either bi-weekly or as works with your schedule (value: $2,500)
• Unlimited email access to me (invaluable)
• My new book,  The Ultimate Divorce Organizer: The Complete, Interactive Guide to Achieving the Best Legal, Financial and Personal Divorce (value: $29.95)
• All worksheets, exercises and transformational resources used during our time together (value: $200)

I have created three easy payment options for you:

The first step is to fill out the form below, once submitted you will be taken to a purchase page to complete the process.

What do you give up living a life that isn’t what you really want?  What does it cost you?

NOW is your time to fall back in love with YOU and your life!  I look forward to sharing this journey with you!

Spending time over last weekend with a group of women all with the desire to write a book and supporting each other to share their gifts and talents with the world, got me thinking about who I choose to surround myself with on a daily basis.

I have always enjoyed being part of a community.

And, it started early for me.

I grew up in a wonderful neighborhood and in particular, lived on a street where in the house next door, across the street and further down the street lived kids exactly the same ages as my brother and I.

We were a “pack” and spent endless hours playing outside together.  Us “girls” formed a secret club where we spent our time making secret handbooks and holding secret meetings.  It was a special group and we remain in touch even today.

As I grew older I continued to find myself part of all kinds of communities.

Eventually all of us on the street grew into our own passions and activities, spending less and less time together as a “pack”.  However, soon after I found myself part of a talented group of girls, my ballet performance troupe, and it was in this incredible community that I spent most of my youth.

Through high school, and college, my interests, areas of study and roommates provided me with safe, welcoming and comfortable communities.  Being part of something, belonging, allowed me to enjoy my life.

When I got married, I moved back to my hometown, where although comfortable having grown up there, I didn’t really know anyone living there as an adult.   So, I immediately got involved in my Synagogue and Jewish community.  My ex-husband is an avid golfer and we found ourselves joining the country club where we did much of our socializing.  When my children were born, it was easy to connect to communities.  There were all of the parent communities…pre-school, elementary school, athletics….it was easy to connect around these shared experiences.  I even had a book club with a bunch of moms from my kids’ elementary school.

But then came my divorce.

And I no longer seemed to fit into these communities anymore.

And the people vanished.

They didn’t call anymore.  Invitations to social and special events stopped altogether.  I felt like I was no longer welcome.

But, where did they go?

I was still a member of the synagogue.

My kids still went to the same schools.

I still shuttled my kids around to all of their activities and sports.

And I still liked to read.

Yet everything was different.  I felt completely alone and isolated from any kind of community.  I felt like I didn’t “belong” anywhere anymore.

Have you ever felt this way?

I hated feeling isolated and alone.  I am a person who thrives on relationships and community and now all my relationships were changing and I no longer fit in where I once did.

What I learned is that divorce, unlike death,  job loss, or parenting issues, does not build or invite community, rather it can break it down.  We come together in support of someone dealing with the death of a loved one, we surround people who have lost their jobs with support and we reach out to comfort parents who are dealing with difficult parenting issues.

But where is the community when we announce that our marriage is ending?

This loss of belonging is one of the major reasons that I started the D Spot…to create a community of women who all have the shared experience of divorce, whatever stage they are in.

Looking back I realize that I truly didn’t belong in some of those communities and although at the time I mourned their loss, I am grateful to have been set free to create new, empowering and supportive communities  for myself.

Surrounding myself with groups of friends, family and colleagues that are founded on consistent, honest and authentic relationships is critical to my journey as a woman.

I love the many and varied communities that I am a part of.  They each and all nurture me in different ways.  Some are personal and some are professional.  And because of them all, I know that I am never alone.

What communities are you a part of that no longer serve you?

Do you open yourself to opportunities to create or join new communities?

Have you ever experienced your brain going a mile a minute in a million different directions? Well, that is what I am experiencing as I sit here writing to you.

Last weekend I was at a writer’s conference produced by Hay House. I was offered this program by a new friend of mine, Nancy Levin, with whom I connected on Facebook. Nancy is AWESOME! She reached out to me as a Facebook friend because she has just gone through a long and painful divorce and wanted to connect.

I couldn’t be more thrilled that she did.

First of all, we are going to be fantastic friends for life because as it happens, we have so much in common as women. Second, Nancy is extraordinary poet. As we talked about our lives, our journeys through divorce, and our dreams and visions, she shared with me that she has just released her first book of poems. Called “Writing for my Life: Reclaiming the Lost Pieces of Me”, Nancy’s poems take you through the journey of her divorce. As you are moving through or forward after divorce, you will be able to appreciate the meaning and emotion behind the words. You can find Nancy and her book here.

Lastly, Nancy and I share a passion and desire to support women going through the transition of divorce and believe we were meant to meet each other and do great things! So, I’m sure that you will hear much more from us as we harness our passion and energy over the next months!

Anyway, the writer’s conference was fabulous! I went with my mother because as some of you may be aware, we are working on a book together and we were eager to get as much information as possible about the process we are about to embark on.  What I didn’t expect was to be energized in so many ways by spending two days with a fabulous group of women and educators.  This was my first time at a writer’s conference and I learned so much…about myself, the art and craft of writing, and the power of new experiences.

There were probably 300 women there and it was awesome connecting with all of these fantastic, creative and soulful gals! Even more exciting was that Cheryl Richardson spoke and shared her journey as an author.   Many of you know that I LOVE her book The Art of Extreme Self Care and think you should all go and get a copy of it!  Best of all,  I had the pleasure of spending a few minutes with her after the event!

She is as lovely in person as she is on TV, radio, in print… If you don’t know Cheryl or her many incredible books, you can find out more about her at her site.

Although I almost didn’t go because I was so tired going into the weekend, had so much to do at home, and it was hard to clear two full days to be away…I made a commitment to myself that I would do it anyway!! And I am so happy I did!!! I made a few wonderful new friends and enjoyed sharing the entire experience with my mom!  Stay tuned for our book writing journey…it will be quite a ride!!

I had the pleasure over the weekend of not only attending my friend Anne Garland’s event Women Honoring Women with my mother, but having the opportunity to share our story with the amazing women in attendance.

Anne’s event was designed for women to share their stories of relationships with women that they honor.  I chose to celebrate my relationship with  my mother, but there were girlfriends, sisters, and all kinds of other relationships that were represented.

The keynote speaker of the event was Dr. Dorothy Martin – Neville, an extraoridnary woman with a fantastic story to share.  Dorothy touched on two points that I want to share with you as I have been reflecting on them ever since:

1.  To LIVE life you must take risks, otherwise you are just surviving.

2.  Our relationships with other women are invaluable to the quality of life that we live.

As I sat there with my mother, with whom I share an incredible relationship, I was also struck by how few close….really close, relationships I have with women.

Having gone through my own divorce almost 7 years ago, I have spent the majority of my time and attention focused on securing my financial independence, strengthening the relationship with my children, growing my business which I am passionate about, and finding new love.

Over the past couple of years, however, I have found that my desire to connect more deeply and authentically with girlfriends has been growing, and yet I have not chosen to make this a greater priority in my life.

As Dorothy spoke about her friendships with women that span over 30 years, she reflected on just how much these relationships have meant to her.

The quantity of wine that was consumed over the years, through laughter and tears…

The countless life transitions that she has shared with them….multiple divorces, the death of parents, crises with children, the many professional and personal challenges and triumphs…

The crazy experiences, vacations,  and risks that they have shared, and supported each other through…

To be perfectly honest…I was JEALOUS!

When we open ourselves up to new and deeper relationships with our friends, we also open ourselves up to unimaginable joy.  And as Dorothy so beautifully articulated, when we allow our friends to see our authentic and imperfect selves…we are granting them permission to be authentic and imperfect as well.

What a fantastic reminder!

Divorce can often leave us feeling isolated…alone in our transition.

The truth is, we are not alone.  In fact, we all not only need, but seek out connection with other women.

I hope you will join me as I make this part of my life a greater priority and make a commitment to opening myself up not only to new friendships, but deeper, more meaningful and authentic relationships with girlfriends!

So, I want to thank Dorothy for her beautiful and poignant words and Anne for putting together such a lovely day!

And, a special thank you to my mother, Martha Weisbart, for being the most incredible relationship I have ever had and for joining me at this event so that we could share our story of love.

P.S.  This event was my mother and my “unofficial”  introduction to the book that we have started writing together!  Stay tuned for more information as we make our dream a reality!!

I am always looking for products, services and resources that support women who are going through transition and even more specifically through divorce.  Now that I have my fabulous new blog in place, it is so easy to be able to share them all with you!

So, I simply had to share with you the wonderful endeavor of a friend of mine that I think you will LOVE!

Two years ago I was introduced to Rebecca Lown as she was launching the first online magazine for women moving along the journey of divorce!  Imagine how much I loved that!  The magazine is called SPLIT and is a fabulous resource.

SPLIT is a weekly newsletter and blog dedicated to separated and divorced women. While the end of a marriage can be stressful or even downright frightening, SPLIT magazine is here to help you live the best life you possibly can – right here, right now! Whether you’re at the end of a long divorce or just at the beginning, SPLIT believes your best days are still in front of you.

When I asked Rebecca to tell me how SPLIT came to be, this is what she had to say:

Need is indeed the mother of invention. I started SPLIT because I really felt lost about how to put my life back on track after my divorce. I couldn’t find a good magazine or newsletter that spoke my language. So I decided to create one instead.  My hope is that you will read something that might nourish you, inspire you, or change your perspective, even if for a brief moment.  Divorce is unraveling and sometimes the climb upward into the light seems slow… But good things will come if you are open to them  Don’t be surprised if find yourself as a very different person than you thought you were when married to Mr. Ex. And isn’t that an exciting and great discovery!! My ultimate goal is to make SPLIT into a printed magazine!

During her first year of SPLIT Rebecca wanted to do a few small events, so I went to NYC and did a wonderful workshop for the magazine on Fearless Finances as it relates to women going through divorce and it was a blast!  I have been really impressed with Rebecca and the evolution of SPLIT.  Whether it’s dating, finances, self care, sensuality, parenting or any other area of life, SPLIT offers insight and often guidance for the journey.  And, Rebecca is witty and humorous which can be seen in her blog and through her magazine as well!

She and I have remained in touch and I recently I was delighted to find out that she and SPLIT are the sponsors of my upcoming workshop that I will be doing for Savvy Ladies, a wonderful organziation that serves to empower women financially.  The workship is called Who Am I, How Did I Get Here and What Comes Next:  Packing Your Bags for the Journey Through and After Divorce, and I am really excited to be in New York City on April 28 to present it!!!

I hope that if you are anywhere near NYC next Thursday night, April 28. that you will come on out and join us there!

Make sure you sign up for SPLIT’s newsletter and you too will enjoy this fabulous resource!

Subscription to the SPLIT newsletter is easy and free!  Just go to http://SPLITmag.com click on “Subscribe,” and you’ll be set after a few short clicks.