So, when is the last time you felt angry. Really angry.
What made you angry…do you know exactly what you were really angry about?
Divorce elicits many emotions, one of the most prominent being anger. As I have moved through and forward after my own divorce, I spent a great deal of time reflecting on my marriage; what had gone wrong, what role did I play and how I would choose to do things differently in my next chapter.
I am not proud of it, but during my marriage, I let anger run rampant in my life. The more unhappy and dis-empowered I felt in my life, the more anger crept in; in my communication, in my actions and in my behavior.
Anger became the fuel for me to be courageous. The more I tapped into my anger, the more confident I felt saying what how I really felt and what I really wanted; even if it came out louder and more confrontational than I actually meant.
The problem is that anger makes it almost impossible for the person you are talking with to hear you and to understand what you are saying. My feelings of frustration and discontent found their voice through anger. I snapped at my kids, my husband and my family; especially my mother.
I hated that I was irritable and sharp; but while I recognized it, I was unable to do anything about it. It protected me from the fear, the sadness and the raw truth that lay underneath.
What I hadn’t learned yet is that you don’t have to be angry to be powerful.
So many of us use anger as fuel to be courageous, honest and to honor how we really feel. We develop a habit of tapping into anger when we feel fear and discomfort. The problem is that anger never gets us the result we want and instead, deteriorates our relationships unnecessarily.
Power actually comes from replacing anger and confrontation with assertiveness and compassion.
So how does one accomplish this?
Trust your truth.
Under your anger is the truth of what you feel; but this truth might scare you. In fact, your truth may be difficult to speak; I know because I have been there myself. But before you go to the place of anger, trust yourself. And remember that the truth, your truth, always prevails.
Find a new fuel.
Anger is not a healthy way to gain confidence and courage. Instead, think back to a time when you acted courageously; when you were brave. Recall how you felt, how did you find your bravery. Know that you already have everything you need within you.
Say it with a whisper.
Yes, you heard me. The quieter your voice, the more powerful your words will be. And, the lower your voice, the less angry you will become and easier it will be for you to be heard. Your voice may shake, you may feel extreme discomfort; but you will have a greater chance of saying what you really want to say when the cloak of red, hot and loud anger is removed.
You are powerful beyond measure. Get rid of the anger and set yourself free.