The D Spot

So here’s the real deal. Many of us who have gone through a divorce have also gone through long periods of time without sex. Yes…I said it. While I know that there are some relationships for which the sex continues throughout and even after divorce, more often than not, sex leading up to divorce is a dwindling commodity. And, by the time we actually get divorced, it could be years that we have been sexless.

Can you relate?

It is for this reason that part of the journey during and after divorce is rediscovering the joy of sex…and the sensuality, flirtation and eroticism around it.

For many of us, this part of the journey is often scary and uncomfortable.

It could be that your last date was over 20 years ago. Or, you may have never had sex with anyone other than your husband? Of course it is scary. Not to mention that sensuality and sexuality in your 20’s is far different than in your 40’s and 50”s.

For this reason, I want to share with you a few tips for opening yourself to rediscovering yourself as a feminine woman with a healthy sexual drive!

Your role as wife, and/or mother, may have included ownership of your sexuality and sensuality, but it is conceivable that it did not as well.

For me, where I had once started out as a young, sexy gal…along the way, and two children later, I had lost touch with this very vibrant part of myself.

Becoming single again at almost 40 required me to step into my own journey….a journey to rediscover my new, and more mature, sexual identity.

Sex is not only fabulous…but it is a critical piece of our ability to step into our power as a woman, and one day, a new and exceptional intimate, love relationship.

As such, your exploration and journey is YOURS.

You are no longer a teenager, sneaking around your parents to see the “cute boy” and hoping that no one will find out that you are having sex!!!

You are a grownup…and therefore, you have PERMISSION to flirt, date and have sex with anyone that you want.

However, there are a few things that will make this journey more enjoyable for you:

1. Clarify how you feel and what you want, at your core.

Perhaps you are feeling undesirable and both want and need to feel sexy again. Or, perhaps you are already feeling sexy, and want to simply indulge yourself in new and freeing sexual encounters.

Knowing how you feel and what you want, will begin to help you chart the course for this part of your journey. There are many ways to rediscover your sexuality and connect with the woman within. But, knowing WHY you are choosing to do what you are doing is critical to have a safe and healthy sexual journey.

1. Accept that SEX, sensuality and sexuality are healthy, normal and FUN!

While often scary, sex and sensuality are highly enjoyable parts of being a woman. There are many resources available to you today that will support you as you reconnect to this wonderful part of yourself.

There is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, rather get CURIOUS about what your sexuality means to YOU. And make this part of your journey a priority rather than an afterthought.

1. Everyone’s sexual journey is different.

Each of us express ourselves, our femininity and our sexuality differently. And that is just fine. In fact, it what makes each of us attractive in our own way.

Finding your sexual mojo is an important part of discovering your own power and confidence as a woman. So, embracing the discomfort that may come with it is also important.

If you feel stuck around how you feel and what you want…or what sensuality and sexuality mean to you, get support.

You are beautiful and desirable exactly as you are. When you embrace this journey, you will discover the power of YOU and your femininity!

Do you ever have days when it just feels so hard?! I didn’t really know what this felt like until later in my marriage when I couldn’t figure out why some days (more and more as time when on) felt “hard” to get through.

And there were many hard days once I got separated, went through my divorce and began to move forward after.

To be completely honest with you, there are still days when it feels just so hard.

A client said to me today, “is it really possible to have the life you dream of? I only ask because no one I know is living their dream life…as a matter of fact, so many of them are not happy.”

I can’t begin to tell you just how sad I was to hear her ask this question. As a coach, I am surrounded by people; other coaches, experts, consultants and amazing women who are all on a journey towards living their ideal life.

Her question made me stop and really think about what it means to live the life you imagine.

I know that sometimes the “think positive thoughts” rhetoric can oversimplify the journey, but there is so much truth to our ability to deliberately create what we want.

You, me and thousands of others across the country and world have gone through or are going through the transition of divorce. A transition that while forcing us to reinvent many areas of our lives, is also the catalyst for massive growth; personally, professionally, financially, socially, romantically….

And it is exactly this “massive growth”, that is what makes it feel so hard.

Have you ever heard of growing pains? These minutes, hours or days that feel hard, are our middle age growing pains.

The more discomfort and confusion we feel, the greater the growth. It’s true!!!

You may be saying, BULLSHIT! But it is true. Ask anyone who has achieved massive success or achievement in any area of their life. They withstood extreme discomfort, confusion and even pain to get there.

I share this with all of you in the hope that you will say, AHA, now I get it!

Regardless of the stage of the divorce journey you are on, there will be hard days. And, dare I say that I hope you ALWAYS have hard days, because it will mean that you are continuously growing.

What happens to all living things when they stop growing?

They die.

I am sorry that you may struggle through these hard days…or that they may cause you to become “stuck” at certain moments along your journey.

But that is exactly why I do what I do. Because when I had…and have, my “hard days”, I could have used (and still do) a coach to be my champion, compass and overall cheerleader . That is what I aspire to be for you.

So, in conclusion, YES…there will be many hard days. Embrace them. Nurture them. Surrender to them. For they will ultimately lead you to the growth you will need to get to the life you imagine!

So, here’s the real deal. Part of my new year commitment is to give you the down and dirty reality of divorce.

Yes, where divorce ends, your destiny begins.

And yes, there is an extraordinary life waiting for you.

But, as I say frequently, what happens next is up to you…and that depends on how serious you are about moving forward.

The real first step to moving forward after divorce is to understand where you are and why.

This may sound easy…and perhaps you believe that you already know this. But do you?

Do you really know and understand where you are in your journey? Do you hold yourself accountable for what has and will happen in your life?

Divorce is a tricky business.

There are often issues that can “trick” us into thinking things that might not be true. Issues that prevent us from being accountable for what took place in our marriage and our divorce.

Issues such as:

· “he said, she said”

· infidelity

· “bad spouse means bad parent”

· lack of “education”

Let’s break these down so you can understand what I mean.

1. “He Said/She Said”

When a marriage or relationship breaks down, there is a tendency to forget or lose focus on what the “real” issues are. Instead, it becomes easy to get caught up in our own “version” of what happened. A version that is often clouded by years of repeated patterns of behavior .

When I work with clients, we talk about the marriage and relationship and what it really looked and felt like. Who said what, and when. What patterns of behavior overshadowed the issues that lay underneath.

Things are not always what they seem. The demise of your marriage may also not be “exactly” what it seems. Part of the journey forward is exploring these “versions” and learning what you can from them.

1. Infidelity

Aaahhhh, the “I” word. Here is the real deal about infidelity. Infidelity is NEVER the cause of a divorce. Infidelity is a result of underlying issues within the marriage and relationship. It is a symptom of an extremely serious break in the foundation of the relationship.

Like any other kind of “bad behavior”, the person who is unfaithful has to take responsibility for that action. However, being unfaithful does not excuse the other person’s contribution towards the disintegration of the relationship.

Because the pain of infidelity is so great, it overshadows the real issues going on in both the relationship before, during and after divorce. To free yourself to be able to create what comes next, you will need to look beneath the pain of infidelity and understand what caused the breakdown in the relationship.

1. Bad Spouse/Bad Parent

There are so many pieces of the divorce puzzle, and working through it to put them together can feel like running a marathon when you have never even run a mile!

One of the complications when there are children involved is to confuse emotions about the relationship with your Ex with his role as a father.

If the marriage doesn’t work out, it doesn’t automatically make him a bad father. The issues you had in your marriage, and even through and after divorce, are not necessarily issues that will affect his relationship with your children.

The emotions we carry for our Ex can often challenge our ability to work through the creation of a new, co-parenting relationship.

1. Lack of Education

The greatest challenge to the process of moving through the transition of divorce is undoubtedly the breakdown of communication between both parties.

Usually, the breakdown in communication is one of the core reasons leading to the divorce in the first place. And most often, this continues through and after the divorce. It is “not knowing” how to manage conflict within intimate relationships and resolve issues as they arise, that inevitably leads to relationship deterioration.

Here’s the truth. In almost all instances, it is not INTENTION, but rather a lack of education and training, that prevents good communication and the ability to save the marriage.

We were not trained in school growing up on how to communicate effectively with friends and love relationships. And so when we find ourselves in an emotionally charged situation, we do not possess the skills to navigate ourselves out of it.

Do these scenarios sound familiar?

Men, just like us, are going through their own journey….and face EXACTLY THE SAME emotional challenges that we do.

If you are REALLY serious about moving forward in 2011, then the first step is to know where you are, how you got here and fully understand your role in it.

I am here to support you if you should find yourself struggling with this first step. For if you don’t take this step, you may find yourself stuck exactly where you are or repeating these patterns in your next chapter!

There is so much that I want to share with you as we leave 2010 and enter the New Year and Decade with confidence, clarity, comfort and control! But, I don’t have enough room in this one Dzine to write it all down!

So, I have decided to write my Top 10 Tips for Creating Your New Year Mindset and hope that it gives you a brief outline for moving into the new year.

Regardless of where you are in the journey of divorce, all of these tips will apply to your life and offer you ideas for how to begin to approach your future.

1. Leaving “it” Behind

As I mentioned earlier, before you can enter the New Year, you will need to leave behind all that no longer serves you in 2010. All of the negative emotions, behaviors that are self sabotaging, and limiting beliefs and fears that hold you back from all that you want to accomplish.

So, write them all down and some time before December 31 you can burn the list releasing them into the universe, bury them under a tree that brings you joy and pleasure, or rip it into little tiny pieces and toss them in the garbage. Release them from your life so that you can create the space necessary to enter the new year and decade.

1. Big Vision

Often it is scary to let go of “what was” in order to make room for what will be because when we do let go, we create an open slate ahead of us. To help us manage the discomfort of not knowing what will be, we can create a Big Vision for what our next year will look like.

You can either write this Big Vision down, or better yet, you can create a vision board to symbolize all that you want to do, be or create in the coming year. Take a big poster board and on it, create what your New Year will look and feel like. Use markers to write words or messages that you want and glue to stick pictures and images of what you want to create in 2011. When it is done, you can post it up in a place thatyou will see each and every day.

1. Set Your Intentions

Once you have let go of all that does not serve you and created your Big Vision, now it is time to set your intentions.

You can set your intentions to commit to the Big Vision, including all of the behaviors, patterns, and habits that you want to create moving forward. Then you can focus your attention on your intentions which will become a big part of your inner guidance system.

1. Goal Setting

Learning how to set goals is critical to being able to reach them. The process of managing your goals; short, medium and long term, will allow you to move closer to your Big Vision each week and month.

Write down your top three short, medium and long term goals around the Big Vision that you have already created.

1. Daily Practice

The problem with “New Year Resolutions” as they are usually defined, is that there is a great goal, with no plan behind it. So, it is no wonder that approximately 95% of people give up on their resolutions in the first month.

To accomplish your goals, you will need a plan behind each one as well as a daily commitment an action to bring you closer to reaching them. If you are making progress every day and week, before you know it you will be attaining the goals that you have set for yourself.

1. Discipline

The other area that most people fall short in the “New Year Resolution” arena is in thinking that because they set them, that they will simply happen. Even with the best plan, you will have to commit to the discipline of taking consistent action every day if you are going to continue successfully along your journey of transformation.

The New Year is the perfect time to re-ignite your commitment to YOU and to a new life discipline.

1. Circle of Support

Part of letting go may include relationships that no longer serve you. One of the keys to moving forward, wherever you are in your journey, is to surround yourself with people (friends, colleagues and mentors) that support your progress moving forward.

To do this, you may need to let certain relationships go, even if they are friends or lovers. This may be an uncomfortable task for you, but out of this discomfort will come your greatest growth and will, again, create space for you to welcome new people in. Take a few moments over the next week to honestly evaluate the relationships in your life…and make sure that they each support your growth and well being.

1. Focus

You have done a lot of work by now in getting clear, setting intentions, creating goals and making space for all that you want to do, be and create.

As long as you keep your FOCUS on your Big Vision, your goals and your daily discipline and action plan, you will find yourself with a wonderful momentum forward.

1. Set a New Standard

Over the past year you may have found yourself desiring change and hoping that you would find a way to move forward. You may also have focused on simply “getting by”.

As you enter the New Year, set a new standard for yourself. New expectations, a new “bar”, a new way of being. We are blessed with the ability to CHOOSE exactly how we want to be and feel. This is your year for defining what you want it to be.

1. New Year Celebration

Celebrate! Not just celebrate the New Year on December 31, but each and every movement forward and success, small or large.

We all typically focus on what we don’t have, didn’t do or fell short of…a habit that leaves us disempowered. Make this year the year you BREAK this habit and commit to focusing your
attention and energy on all that you have, do, and achieve!

Have a wonderful holiday and I look forward to supporting you to make 2011 your best year yet!

It is easy to forget just how powerful language is. And, that the most powerful language is that which we use in communicating to ourselves.

Recently I have found myself using language in communicating with myself, my family, my children and friends that is disempowering and I hate to admit it, negative.

For someone like me, who prides herself on “looking forward towards what will be with a positive disposition”, this revelation was hard to accept.

I had found myself more and more using language that didn’t serve me by:

· complaining about certain challenges in my life

· making excuses for why I couldn’t change my circumstance

· allowing my fears to guide my choices

· expressing myself in way that was limiting, not empowering

When I really stopped and confessed to this…I felt a little ashamed. Ashamed that I was not doing everything in my power to be, do and create all that I want.

I realized that I had lost a bit of focus on what I truly believe and that I had forgotten just how powerful we are!

But, instead of allowing my shame, and therefore my disappointment in myself, to limit me even more, I forgave myself for stepping off course for a moment, and recommitted to unleashing the amazing power of language!

You may be asking yourself what I mean by the “power of language”?

What I mean is the power of the words we choose when we speak or even talk to ourselves.

Words and phrases like:

- I can’t because…

- This always happens to me…

- I will never (do, have, be…)

- This is just who I am…..

- I am not meant to….

- This is how it is supposed to be….

- I’m divorced so….

Do you find yourself using these kinds of words or phrases?

But here is the thing…these words are EXTRAORDINARILY powerful. And if we say them out loud OR to ourselves silently, we actually begin to believe them and subconsciously chart our course towards them.

They limit us and prevent us from moving towards that which we REALLY want, and instead, keep us “stuck” exactly where we are.

I had found that my conversations with my friends and family were becoming more negative in tone and reflected my “inability” to achieve exactly what I want instead of empowering me and inspiring me towards goal achievement!

Worse, I could see that my children were getting their cues and forming their own choice of language from observing and modeling me! What kind of model had I become??

So, it has been almost a week since my re-commitment to using the power of language to open up to possibility and success, and the outcome is already amazing!

Again, I want to ask you to join me by dedicating YOURSELF to using the Power of Language to help set your foundation for renewal and transformation as we enter the new year!

Here we are again. Thanksgiving week.

The time that marks the beginning of the holiday season and all that comes with it:

· Family gatherings

· Menus and entertaining

· Holiday budgeting

· Familiar holiday and family rituals and celebrations

· Shopping

And for those of us who are separated, divorcing or moving forward after divorce, this can also include:

· financial anxiety

· stressful custody arrangement negotiations

· family obligations and pressures

· feelings of loneliness

· feelings of loss and sadness

So, at a time when we are “supposed” to be celebrating Thankfulness and embracing the joy of the holiday season, what happens when we don’t really feel it?

What do we do when we don’t feel grateful, joyful or full of the holiday spirit and good cheer?

The real deal of divorce is that these feelings come and go at any given time. It could be a certain song that you hear, a ritual that you once observed, or the happy holiday craziness that is going on right now and in a split second you find yourself thinking “how the hell did I get here?”

Do you ever feel this way?

I know that as much as I love the spirit of the holidays, there is always a small piece of me that wants to wallow in the loss of “what was”, “what could have been” and “where I should be at this stage of my life”. And there is inevitably a little gremlin on my shoulder that wants to relentlessly whisper in my ear….”what have YOU got to be thankful for?”

Well….actually, I have a tremendous amount to be thankful for and I am grateful everyday for so much. And….so do you, whether you feel it or not.

What both you and I have to be grateful for are the following:

· the FREEDOM to CHOOSE to be, do and create anything we want in our life

· the ABILITY to CREATE the kind of relationships with our family, friends, children and partner that we dream of

· the KNOWLEDGE that this is journey…and that it is only the beginning of what will be

· the POWER to CONTROL how we feel, what we say and how we act….always

· the GIFT of GIVING…our love, our talents and our energy to making this world a better place

When you are experiencing anxiety at how you are going to manage the cost of the holidays, experiencing frustration with your family or feeling isolated and alone when “the entire world has someone to love” (which of course you know is complete bullshit and utterly untrue), centering yourself around what you truly can be grateful for will give you just what you need to find the joy of the holiday season.

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow."
-Melody Beattie

A wonderful resource for you to use to find your Attitude of Gratitude is Sarah Ban Breathnach’s Simple Abundance which you can find at http://www.simpleabundance.com.

I am grateful for YOU…for knowing you, connecting to you and having you a part of my amazing circle of women!

It makes me crazy to see all of the Christmas status updates on facebook and to hear the first of the holiday music on the radio…I mean REALLY! Do we have to start all of this NOW??

Ever since my own divorce six years ago, the holidays have never been the same. No, they have not been “bad” or unpleasant; they have just been different than they were when I was married.

Each year when November 1 comes around, I begin to think about Thanksgiving, Christmas (in my case Chanukah) and the New Year. I begin to ask myself all of the questions that need to get answered so that I can begin to create my own holiday plan for the season. The questions I always ask are:

1. What does my custody schedule look like?

2. What is my budget for the holiday season?

3. What do I want the holidays to look and feel like with my kids and my family?

4. What will make me happy this year?

So, the answers are not always easy but these questions give me what I need to create a plan for holiday success. Let me share with you what I mean.

What does my custody schedule look like?

So the first question to be answered is the reality of the situation or what your custody schedule is for the year. I pull out a calendar for November and December and put in all of the days that the kids are with me and the days that they are with their father. I recognize that you and I may have different custody schedules so it is important to look at when you have your children early in the season so that you are prepared to set plans around this schedule.

Some years I have the kids on Thanksgiving, and some years I do not. Some years I have the kids for the 1^st night of Chanukah, and some years I do not. The same goes for New Year’s Eve and so knowing the schedule for the year helps me to begin to design the plan

What is my budget for the holiday season?

This is a question that is on everyone’s mind…separated, divorced OR married. It is important to clarify what your “real” budget is and to create a financial holiday plan that is realistic and honest. There are many ways to create an amazing holiday celebration that does not include big spending, it just means being creative and open to possibilities!

Once you have clarity around what your budget is, you can then begin to design how you want to spend your money to maximize your celebrations!

What do I want the holidays to look and feel like with my kids and my family?

This is a question that may involve a bit more introspection. How you celebrate the holidays with your children may be dependent on their ages. Having two teenage boys, I have found that engaging them in a conversation around how they want to celebrate the holidays can be really helpful in designing my holiday plan. Last year, I made the decision that what I really wanted was to spend time with the kids…not just have dinner or brunch together and open gifts. I wanted to do something that was fun and that they would remember, and that lasted more than an hour.

So, we all took the train into NYC, walked around and enjoyed the splendor of the holiday windows, the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center and fun, unstructured time together. I gave them a pre-determined amount of money each as their gift and told them that they could spend it on anything they wanted. We went to all of their favorite stores and I was able to share in the joy of seeing them choose a gift that made them really happy!

As well, on holidays when I don’t have my children, I don’t always want to be with family…sometimes it is just too painful for me to celebrate as a family, without them. Instead of just going along with everyone else’s plan, I often will create a time to celebrate the holiday, together with family, when I do have the kids, even if it is not on the actual date of the holiday, but around it. I have let go of what is “supposed” to be and what ideally works for me. Thanksgiving doesn’t “have” to be on Thursday, there is no punishment should it be celebrated on Wednesday or Friday. Rather, we have the opportunity to design our celebrations in a way that meets our needs.

Then, I can create other celebrations and plans for those days that I don’t have my children…with friends, by myself or with a group from www.meetup.com or another social club.

What will make me happy this year?

When is the last time that you asked yourself this question? Do you know what will make you happy over the holidays?

Perhaps you want to create a new celebration with friends and colleagues who don’t have family or are themselves alone during the holidays?

Or, perhaps you want to get away, alone for a couple of days and spend some time reflecting on where you are going and how you are going to get there?

Or, even still, perhaps you want to break tradition now that you are separated/divorced, even if that may make some people in your life uncomfortable or even angry. While there may be a “cost” to honoring how you feel, there is also a “cost” NOT to honor it.

Part of moving forward through and after divorce is to begin to step fully into your own personal power by honoring what you need and want, even if it makes other uncomfortable. As long as you are able to articulate what you want and why with clarity and compassion, it is liberating to step out and walk in your true desires.

Many of my clients struggle during this time of the year with acting on their true desires. They fear hurting or upsetting anyone by “changing” what was…what has always been. The reality, however, is that things are not the same anymore. They are different now, and that is okay. Change always feels uncomfortable.

So again, should you feel that you need support to step fully into your own personal power and design a holiday plan that meets your needs and desires, don’t hesitate to reach out and set up a time for your Holiday SOS coaching session! You are not alone and deserve to have a joyous and fulfilling holiday season!

It makes me crazy to see all of the Christmas status updates on facebook and to hear the first of the holiday music on the radio…I mean REALLY! Do we have to start all of this NOW??

Ever since my own divorce six years ago, the holidays have never been the same. No, they have not been “bad” or unpleasant; they have just been different than they were when I was married.

Each year when November 1 comes around, I begin to think about Thanksgiving, Christmas (in my case Chanukah) and the New Year. I begin to ask myself all of the questions that need to get answered so that I can begin to create my own holiday plan for the season. The questions I always ask are:

1. What does my custody schedule look like?

2. What is my budget for the holiday season?

3. What do I want the holidays to look and feel like with my kids and my family?

4. What will make me happy this year?

So, the answers are not always easy but these questions give me what I need to create a plan for holiday success. Let me share with you what I mean.

What does my custody schedule look like?

So the first question to be answered is the reality of the situation or what your custody schedule is for the year. I pull out a calendar for November and December and put in all of the days that the kids are with me and the days that they are with their father. I recognize that you and I may have different custody schedules so it is important to look at when you have your children early in the season so that you are prepared to set plans around this schedule.

Some years I have the kids on Thanksgiving, and some years I do not. Some years I have the kids for the 1 st night of Chanukah, and some years I do not. The same goes for New Year’s Eve and so knowing the schedule for the year helps me to begin to design the plan.

What is my budget for the holiday season?

This is a question that is on everyone’s mind…separated, divorced OR married. It is important to clarify what your “real” budget is and to create a financial holiday plan that is realistic and honest. There are many ways to create an amazing holiday celebration that does not include big spending, it just means being creative and open to possibilities!

Once you have clarity around what your budget is, you can then begin to design how you want to spend your money to maximize your celebrations!

What do I want the holidays to look and feel like with my kids and my family?

This is a question that may involve a bit more introspection. How you celebrate the holidays with your children may be dependent on their ages. Having two teenage boys, I have found that engaging them in a conversation around how they want to celebrate the holidays can be really helpful in designing my holiday plan. Last year, I made the decision that what I really wanted was to spend time with the kids…not just have dinner or brunch together and open gifts. I wanted to do something that was fun and that they would remember, and that lasted more than an hour.

So, we all took the train into NYC, walked around and enjoyed the splendor of the holiday windows, the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center and fun, unstructured time together. I gave them a pre-determined amount of money each as their gift and told them that they could spend it on anything they wanted. We went to all of their favorite stores and I was able to share in the joy of seeing them choose a gift that made them really happy!

As well, on holidays when I don’t have my children, I don’t always want to be with family…sometimes it is just too painful for me to celebrate as a family, without them. Instead of just going along with everyone else’s plan, I often will create a time to celebrate the holiday, together with family, when I do have the kids, even if it is not on the actual date of the holiday, but around it. I have let go of what is “supposed” to be and what ideally works for me. Thanksgiving doesn’t “have” to be on Thursday, there is no punishment should it be celebrated on Wednesday or Friday. Rather, we have the opportunity to design our celebrations in a way that meets our needs.

Then, I can create other celebrations and plans for those days that I don’t have my children…with friends, by myself or with a group from www.meetup.com or another social club.

What will make me happy this year?

When is the last time that you asked yourself this question? Do you know what will make you happy over the holidays?

Perhaps you want to create a new celebration with friends and colleagues who don’t have family or are themselves alone during the holidays?

Or, perhaps you want to get away, alone for a couple of days and spend some time reflecting on where you are going and how you are going to get there?

Or, even still, perhaps you want to break tradition now that you are separated/divorced, even if that may make some people in your life uncomfortable or even angry. While there may be a “cost” to honoring how you feel, there is also a “cost” NOT to honor it.

Part of moving forward through and after divorce is to begin to step fully into your own personal power by honoring what you need and want, even if it makes other uncomfortable. As long as you are able to articulate what you want and why with clarity and compassion, it is liberating to step out and walk in your true desires.

Many of my clients struggle during this time of the year with acting on their true desires. They fear hurting or upsetting anyone by “changing” what was…what has always been. The reality, however, is that things are not the same anymore. They are different now, and that is okay. Change always feels uncomfortable.

So again, should you feel that you need support to step fully into your own personal power and design a holiday plan that meets your needs and desires, don’t hesitate to reach out and set up a time for your Holiday SOS coaching session ! You are not alone and deserve to have a joyous and fulfilling holiday season!

After returning from Amazing Woman’s Day Philadelphia…I made a commitment to PROGRESS. To the daily discipline of moving forward and doing at least one thing everyday to bring me closer to all that I want.

Why progress? Because each little step forward is progress…a movement forward towards manifesting dreams, visions and desires.

It is when we do not move that we become frustrated, and even more paralyzed. Our progress comes to a complete halt and we are disappointed in ourselves. This pattern repeats itself making it harder and harder to begin moving forward again.

So, I have decided to take MASSIVE action…immediately, to bring us, The D Spot community of amazing women together, and create the momentum for PROGRESS for all of us!

Let me introduce you to 10 Weeks, 10 Actions, 10 Dollars!!!!

Beginning next week, and for the next 10 weeks, we, together, will take ONE massive and inspired action a week that moves each of us closer to our ideal life….for only $10 per week.

I invite you to join me for the next 10 weeks to create powerful momentum that will bring you into the New Year with confidence, comfort and clarity!

10 Weeks, 10 Actions, 10 Dollars will be a special program for any woman who is ready to reclaim her destiny and take control of designing her ideal life!

Each week, together we will:

· Share our story with each other

· Set our intentions

· Commit to ONE action moving us forward

· Declare our strength

· Breakthrough limiting fears

· Support each other…hold each other accountable

· Celebrate our journey

The calls will take place every Monday evening at 9:00 pm EST. It will be a one hour call that move each of us forward….creating PROGRESS every week and building momentum as we approach the new year.

Upon registration you will receive the call information and a brief overview of what you will need for the first call!

The program begins this Monday evening, November 1 so follow the link below to register NOW!

http://www.1shoppingcart.com/SecureCart/SecureCart.aspx?mid=6E2A9350-37FB-43A6-8EC1-38EC79C1E81D&pid=440cfea7fa5644c1ba4cbd5c1d14a551

Together we will enter 2011 with purpose, passion and PROGRESS!

So, can you feel it? The BIG push has begun!

That time when the fall ramps up and everyone begins to feel the pressure of “the coming holiday season”! As a matter of fact, this past week I saw a facebook post that read “only ten more weeks till Christmas!!”

I couldn’t believe it. My heart started racing and all I could think about was how much I have to do between now and the New Year! STRESS!!!

I have decided that this year I am not going to jump on the BIG push…but rather, deliberately prepare myself for the wonder of 2011’s arrival!

I know that I have plenty of time left in 2010 and in fact, I know that if I prepare now for the next 10 weeks…it is going to give me the strong foundation I need to achieve all that I want in the new year.

You may be wondering how I am going to do that???

Well, here are my top 5 tips for maximizing the balance of 2010 and preparing yourself for all that YOU want to do, be and create in 2011!

Tip 1: Create your BIG vision for 2011

Change takes time. And, our goals don’t “just happen”. They take preparation, planning and discipline. In order to get “there”, we first have to know where “there” is. We need an outcome. Perhaps you want to fully let go of the pain of your divorce and re-write your “story”? Or, perhaps you want to re-enter the work force, make a career move or add a second stream of income into your life? Or, maybe you want to find true love in the coming year? Better yet…maybe you want to do ALL three….or more! Creating your BIG vision for 2011 will give you the motivation you will need to make it all happen!!!

Tip 2: Identify what you will need to build a strong foundation from which to CREATE that vision

Once you have your vision, you may also have one really BIG nagging question, “How the hell am I going to accomplish THAT”!! GREAT QUESTION! Now you get to sit down and begin writing all that you will need to build a strong foundation so you can make it all happen! For example, if you want to find true love in the coming year, what do you need to make that happen? Perhaps you need to join an online dating service? Or, maybe you need to commit to a meetup group or special interest club? Or maybe, you would like to drop a few pounds or improve your fitness level? As you write down what you will need to make finding true love a possibility in the coming year, you will begin to see what needs to get done during the balance of 2010.

Tip 3: Identify what limiting beliefs, fears or obstacles that are holding you back from building your foundation

As you identify what you need to make your 2011 goals a reality, you may begin to experience a flood of thoughts and emotions. Continuing with our example above, you may begin to think, “I am uncomfortable joining groups where I don’t know anyone”. Or, “online dating is not for me”. Or, “I don’t have time to get to a gym”. These are your inner gremlins talking. And, they are the voice of limiting fears, beliefs and obstacles. So, here’s the real deal….THEY ARE NOT TRUE! Really!!! Take time now to write down all of these thoughts, emotions and annoying little voices of doubt. They are there to trick you into believing that you can’t have all that you want…and they are LIARS! Once you get them all down on paper, you can begin to rid yourself of them!

Tip 4: Commit to doing whatever it takes to get rid of the limiting beliefs, fears and obstacles

Yes…the ugly words of these horrible inner gremlins are now on paper! But…don’t you feel better? At lease they are out there where you can see them and although they make you feel uncomfortable, you can now focus on saying goodbye to them! There are many ways to let go of these limiting fears and beliefs. If you are someone who is disciplined and self directed, you can create mantras for yourself or use visualization to shift your own thinking and focus on what you want to create. If you find that you struggle with fighting these nasty little gremlins, you may want to join an empowerment meetup, support group, or choose to work with your own coach to learn how to rid yourself of them!

Tip 5: Hold yourself accountable for taking action

Finally, you will need to hold yourself accountable for doing what you commit to do. This is the most crucial tip of all. Most of us commit to all kinds of things…eating healthy, going to the gym, taking time for self care….but then, we find all kids of excuses for NOT following through. Again, if you are a super disciplined person, you may be able to hold yourself accountable. However, if you find that you accept your own excuses (which most of us do!) you can find a friend to partner with, a support group, or a coach who will help to hold you accountable.

So, these are my five tips for preparing yourself for the New Year and building your foundation for success!

I hope you find them helpful and that you take time NOW to begin your own deliberate preparation!!!