How Could I Do That? And Other Ways we are our Own Worst Enemy?
12 May
My divorce has taught me more about myself than any other experience or time in my life. And for that I am grateful.
The years since my divorce (almost 7 of them), have been filled with questions and more questions….self discovery and more self discovery.
Not only did it cause me to work towards understanding what went wrong in my marriage, but on a much deeper and important level, it caused me to work towards understanding why I do what I do…then, and now.
I have asked myself over and over, why did I do it? Why did I choose to marry someone that I knew deep inside was not the right fit for me?
How could I do it? How could I not only choose it, but stay in a marriage that was not right for me? For a long, long time?
Or perhaps you are asking yourself, why did it end? What did I do wrong? Why did he leave me?
Have you ever asked yourself these questions?
I am proud to say, that during these almost 7 years, I have truly gained an understanding of why I do what I do….and, I have learned how NOT to be my own worst enemy.
At the same time, in learning about myself, I have also learned WHY all people do what they do, and why. Understanding what motivates and drives people to do what they do is the single most valuable skill I possess.
No one told me to get married. No one told me to stay in my marriage.
However, like most of us, I never learned HOW to make difficult choices. And, I never learned HOW great relationships really work. Or why.
Nor, did I learn how to move through difficult transitions or to work through situations that are highly emotionally charged.
As a society, we don’t have a curriculum for this in school (although it is my personal opinion that these issues should be taught at a high school and college level), and very few parents make teaching these skills a priority.
We make sure that we give our children all kinds of lessons (dance, music, art…) to enhance their skills and interests and of course, all athletes have a coach to teach, guide and advise them.
But in the one area that can use a guide or coach the most, we have NO training….and that is LIFE. Yes, we ALL need to be educated, supported, guided and advised on how to lead an exceptional life.
So, what did I learn over these years? I learned that I, myself, was my own worst enemy. And that I am not the only one.
I allowed my fears, limiting beliefs and insecurities guide my choices.
I was young….and “uneducated”. Uneducated in life…and love.
I didn’t know any better.
And, my marriage was not the only time I have made a decision that was driven my “ignorance”. Rather, I can name countless choices that I have made over the years because I had not yet begun my journey of self discovery. I was absolutely my own worst enemy.
Now, however, I am not. And I have my divorce to thank for that.
My divorce was the catalyst for my own personal journey of self discovery, awareness and growth…essentially, it was my education in life.
Can you remember a time that you were your own worst enemy? What fears, limiting beliefs or lack of knowledge have caused you to make decisions that did not turn out well?
What have you learned as a result of your divorce?
I look forward to sharing stories with you!
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